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The following are paraprosdokians. A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence is unexpected and oft times very humorous:
*If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they'd eventually find me very attractive.
*I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they're flashing behind you.
*Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
*Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
*I'm great at multitasking, I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
*If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
*Take my advice — I'm not using it.
*My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.
*Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when you wish they were.
*Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
*Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
*Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
*He who laughs last thinks slowest.
*Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?
*Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
*I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
*Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
*I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn't find it.
*If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
*Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
*If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?
*Money is the root of all wealth.
To grow old is mandatory, growing up is optional.
* If you are not living on the edge you’re taking up too much space.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Blessed are the meek, for thy shall inhibit the Earth.
Enough is enough, more than enough is too much.
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done
The person who never made a mistake never made anything
Once I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.
"It's good enough" is low aim
It looked fine out this morning, so I left it out.
Jimcracks for the rich and/or wealthy. (aka GKB '88)
Glue on your fingers is not something you want to be stuck with
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