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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    910

    Default The rules of life (Anonimous)

    Sometimes we need to remember WHAT the Rules of life really are.

    1. Never give yourself a haircut after three alcoholic beverages
    of any kind.

    2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape.
    If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40.
    If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.

    3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital
    relationship are "I apologize" and "You are right".

    4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

    5. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately.
    It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.

    6. The only really good advice that your mother ever gave you
    was: "Go! You might meet somebody!"

    7. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her û
    believe them.

    8. Learn to pick your battles. Ask yourself,
    Will this matter one year from now?
    How about one month?
    One week?
    One day?

    9. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.

    10. If you woke up breathing, congratulations!
    You have another chance!

    11. Living well really is the best revenge.
    Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just
    might mean that the other person was right about you.

    12. Work is good, but it's not that important.

    13. And finally, be really nice to your friends and family.
    You never know when you are going to need them to empty your
    bedpan.
    “We often contradict an opinion for no other reason
    than that we do not like the tone in which it is expressed.”

    Friedrich Nietzsche


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  3. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 1999
    Location
    Westleigh, Sydney
    Age
    77
    Posts
    9,556

    Default

    Remember, the toes you step on today might be attached to the @rse you have to kiss tomorrow.
    Visit my website
    Website
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  4. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Perth WA
    Posts
    1,764

    Default There's more!

    a) The only good palm tree is one lying on the ground next to a hot chainsaw, and

    b) The best lawn mower ever invented was ROUNDUP
    Squizzy

    "It is better to be ignorant and ask a stupid question than to be plain Stupid and not ask at all" {screamed by maths teacher in Year 8}

  5. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    Location
    Yinnar, Victoria, Australia
    Age
    66
    Posts
    1,277

    Default

    Be kind to your children, after all they will be th ones to choose whether you go to a rest home with warm or cold Kero baths (its a victorian thing I think)
    I try and do new things twice.. the first time to see if I can do it.. the second time to see if I like it
    Kev

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