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  1. #1
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    Mar 2000
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    Melbourne, Victoria
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    Post rules men live by

    Rules that men live by

    All of us (men) keep getting is feedback about how women are smarter...women are superior... women are stronger. We won't contest that. But we will say, if they're so smart why can't they figure out these very simple things about us men. Very simple rules to follow and we'll be loving and content spouses/boyfriends.

    "Rules to live together by"

    1) Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

    2) If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

    3) If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

    4) Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can
    find the perfect present yet again!

    5) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. (Really, really listen to this one)

    6) Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

    7) Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss
    such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, farting, getting vomiting or monster trucks.

    8) Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

    9) Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.

    10) When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
    Really.

    11) You have enough clothes.

    12) You have too many shoes.

    13) Crying is blackmail.

    14) Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!

    15) No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries
    on the calendar.

    16) Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.
    17) Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any
    good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

    18) Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    19) Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
    we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for

    20) A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

    21) Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell they're saying anyway...)

    22) Check your oil.

    23) It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
    No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

    24) Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

    25) All comments become null and void after 7 days.

    26) If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
    makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

    27) Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.

    28) You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something
    but not both.

    29) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
    commercials.

    30) ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.

    31) If it itches, it will be scratched.

    32) If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's
    wrong.

    Simple enough, right?

    Thank You

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  3. #2
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    Thumbs up

    Married, aren't you!!!!????

  4. #3
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    Nov 2007
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    Default

    Possibly not any more ?

    I'm lucky.

    She told me what she wanted for christmas, we went and bought and and she took it home. No wrapping involved.

    She understands I sometimes need to be alone.

    When I am thinking of buying something for me (like a $12K motorcycle I didn't need) she talked me into it.

    I've also trained her not to talk to me about her feelings.

    Women are variable, both from individual to individual and moment to moment. They are endlessly fascinating. It's not my fault you married the wrong one.
    I'm just a startled bunny in the headlights of life. L.J. Young.
    We live in a free country. We have freedom of choice. You can choose to agree with me, or you can choose to be wrong.
    Wait! No one told you your government was a sitcom?

  5. #4
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    Default

    If thongs count as shoes, then I've got 4 pairs .
    To grow old is inevitable.... To grow up is optional

    Confidence, the feeling you have before you fully understand the situation.

    What could possibly go wrong.

  6. #5
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    Brisbane
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    Default

    Some things never change, look how old the post is.
    SWMBO says the title should be 'rules by which men live', so I think we can safely add a number 33 to the list.

    Cheers
    Michael

  7. #6
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    Calm is offline Stubby Owner and proud of it. Now coming back to Earth.:D
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grumpy John View Post
    If thongs count as shoes, then I've got 4 pairs .
    John i think they are underwear

    Although i'm a y fronts myself
    regards

    David


    "Tell him he's dreamin."
    "How's the serenity" (from "The Castle")

  8. #7
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    If the head ache goes on for that long, some or all of the points on the list are wrong. Maybe even the fact you HAVE a list.
    anne-maria.
    T
    ea Lady

    (White with none)
    Follow my little workshop/gallery on facebook. things of clay and wood.

  9. #8
    Calm's Avatar
    Calm is offline Stubby Owner and proud of it. Now coming back to Earth.:D
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    Quote Originally Posted by tea lady View Post
    If the head ache goes on for that long, some or all of the points on the list are wrong. Maybe even the fact you HAVE a list.
    TL we may not ask everyday if you still have it - just in case you didnt realise that.
    regards

    David


    "Tell him he's dreamin."
    "How's the serenity" (from "The Castle")

  10. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Calm View Post
    John i think they are underwear

    Although i'm a y fronts myself
    What! doesn't everyone wear their undies on their feet when the elastic goes?
    To grow old is inevitable.... To grow up is optional

    Confidence, the feeling you have before you fully understand the situation.

    What could possibly go wrong.

  11. #10
    Calm's Avatar
    Calm is offline Stubby Owner and proud of it. Now coming back to Earth.:D
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grumpy John View Post
    What! doesn't everyone wear their undies on their feet when the elastic goes?
    pay that one
    regards

    David


    "Tell him he's dreamin."
    "How's the serenity" (from "The Castle")

  12. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grumpy John View Post
    What! doesn't everyone wear their undies on their feet when the elastic goes?
    And here was I thinking that thongs were thumthing
    they thang at contherts.

    Allan
    Life is short ... smile while you still have teeth.

  13. #12
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    The end that's missing on that joke is:

    Men don't actually mind sleeping on the couch - it's kinda like camping out...

    Cheers,
    Dave
    ...but together with the coffee civility flowed back into him
    Patrick O'Brian, Treason's Harbour

  14. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ozkaban View Post
    The end that's missing on that joke is:

    Men don't actually mind sleeping on the couch - it's kinda like camping out...

    Cheers,
    Dave
    You have got to be jokin, I dont give up my bed for no one.
    Jim Carroll
    One Good Turn Deserves Another. CWS, Vicmarc, Robert Sorby, Woodcut, Tormek, Woodfast
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  15. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jim Carroll View Post
    You have got to be jokin, I dont give up my bed for no one.
    Depends how comfy the couch is. Or how sharp her elbows are. Or how loud the snoring is.:gaa:
    anne-maria.
    T
    ea Lady

    (White with none)
    Follow my little workshop/gallery on facebook. things of clay and wood.

  16. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by tea lady View Post
    Depends how comfy the couch is. Or how sharp her elbows are. Or how loud the snoring is.:gaa:
    The couch is for sitting on, elbows are not that sharp { not that i would budge anyway} I dont listen to snoring so no bother to me.

    Actaully fixed the snoring and sleep apneoa by getting a mouth guard works a treat have a look here /http://www.sleep.net.au/
    Jim Carroll
    One Good Turn Deserves Another. CWS, Vicmarc, Robert Sorby, Woodcut, Tormek, Woodfast
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