Sorry guys this is for our female brethren

**Phil Spencer** · 13th July 2006, 04:55 PM

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

And they say blondes are dumb...

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.

Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!

A PRAYER....

Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.
AMEN

Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q: What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

**Auld Bassoon** · 13th July 2006, 05:11 PM

Maaate!

Who's side are you on?

**Phil Spencer** · 13th July 2006, 05:18 PM

Originally Posted by Auld Bassoon

Maaate!

Who's side are you on?

Sorry Steve

Thought that I would get in-touch with my feminine side today!! :eek:

I know I have let the side down

Phil

**Felder** · 13th July 2006, 05:26 PM

Why do husbands usually die before their wives?

Because they want to.....

**Driver** · 13th July 2006, 05:27 PM

Phil

You have 24 hours to show cause why you should not be indicted for a Code violation.

(Don't even think about trying any smart@rse chap-like defences involving legalese.:mad: This is not the AFL tribunal - it is a jury of your peers comprising all the other members of these forums).

**Felder** · 13th July 2006, 05:33 PM

Seems a shame, really...

230 good posts, only to blow it all with his 231st. It was nice knowing you, Phil. Shame you had to go and get yourself banned like that.....couldn't you have just drifted off without causing a stir?

**Phil Spencer** · 13th July 2006, 05:38 PM

Originally Posted by Felder

Seems a shame, really...

230 good posts, only to blow it all with his 231st. It was nice knowing you, Phil. Shame you had to go and get yourself banned like that.....couldn't you have just drifted off without causing a stir?

Do you mean go out with a bang!!

**Phil Spencer** · 13th July 2006, 05:41 PM

Originally Posted by Driver

Phil

You have 24 hours to give cause why you should not be indicted for a Code violation.

(Don't even think about trying any smart@rse chap-like defences involving legalese.:mad: This is not the AFL tribunal - it is a jury of your peers comprising all the other members of these forums).

Have to go and cook the dinner now and vacuum the floor Diver, Can I appeal for clemency from the ladies?:confused:

**Ashore** · 13th July 2006, 06:34 PM

Definate code violation, proberly cooking quiche for tea and wearing a floopy beret and cravat while vacuuming.

**fxst** · 13th July 2006, 06:42 PM

Originally Posted by Ashore

Definate code violation, proberly cooking quiche for tea and wearing a floopy beret and cravat while vacuuming.

nearly got me going with the floppy but then I kept reading

Maybe make him write out 'I will not do this again on pain of expulsion' 1000 times so he can become a diamond girl

SHAME Phil SHAME
Pete

**Phil Spencer** · 13th July 2006, 06:45 PM

Originally Posted by fxst

nearly got me going with the floppy but then I kept reading

Maybe make him write out 'I will not do this again on pain of expulsion' 1000 times so he can become a diamond girl

SHAME Phil SHAME
Pete

Problem is I have been off colour lately, definitely not feeling my self maybe thats the problem

Phil:confused:

**Tikki** · 13th July 2006, 06:57 PM

Hmmmm, have to go against popular opinion here .... I like it!

Greenie for Phil!

Cheers
Tikki

**Captain Chaos** · 13th July 2006, 07:00 PM

Need swmbo's permission to buy some more woody toys - err, tools for the shed Phil?

Regards,
Barry.

**fred.n** · 13th July 2006, 07:02 PM

Phil, Phil,Phil......

Thats put us back 231 posts??

go to your room and give yourself a right uppercut

**Phil Spencer** · 13th July 2006, 07:19 PM

Originally Posted by Tikki

Hmmmm, have to go against popular opinion here .... I like it!

Greenie for Phil!

Cheers
Tikki

Glad I have some support see guys it doesn't hurt to get in touch with your feminine side every now and then

Thanks Tikki

Phil

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