Thread: Men strike back! ! ! ! ! ! !

Q: How many men does it take to clean a toilet?

A: None, it's womens work.

Q. How can you tell if its time to do the dishes?

A. look in your pants.. if you see a penis, its not time. :eek:

And Adam was alone in the garden of Eden when he looked up and asked God for a partner.
God agreed and said he would send him someone who would never complain, be attractive and affectionate, tend to his every need and whim and raise the children without complaint.
She would also hunt for food and cook his meals as well as provide a clean comfortable home.
Adam thought this was wonderful and asked what this was going to cost, God replied, an arm and a leg, Adam thought about this and asked, what can I get for a rib?

What's a the difference between a pygmie and a member of the girls track team? Well, one is a cunning runt ...

In the world of romance, one single rule applies:
Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system:
SIMPLE DUTIES:
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow(0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5)
In the rain (+8)
But return with Beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing(0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-10)
SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS:
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy(-2)
Named Tina (-4)
Tina is a dancer (-6)
Tina has silicone implants (-80)
HER BIRTHDAY:
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night(-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)
A NIGHT OUT:
You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)
YOUR PHYSIQUE:
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it(+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy
Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)
ENJOY THE BIG QUESTION:
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you lose points no matter
what]
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)
When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)
Now what chance do you have???

Come on Iain, that's not even close to accurate. I've never known a woman to give you positive points

Richard

Alright, who pinched my card????????????
Call in forensics, a large bearded character was seen leaving the area carrying said card.