Thread: Understanding Engineers

Remember
Anyone can build a bridge to do the job, but only an engineer can build a bridge that only just does the job.

free years ago I coodent spel enginear now I are won.

Engineer Profile

Q: What is the definition of an engineer?
A: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you
don't understand.

Q: When does a person decide to become an engineer?
A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to be an undertaker.

Q: What do engineers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: How can you tell an extroverted engineer?
A: When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.

Q: Why did the engineers cross the road?
A: Because they looked in the file and that's what they did last year.

Q: How do you drive an engineer completely insane?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road
map the wrong way.

You might be an engineer if ...

1) choosing to buy flowers for your girlfriend or upgrading your RAM is
a moral dilemma.

2) you take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine
room.

3) in college you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.

4) the sales people at the local computer store can't answer any of
your questions.

5) at an air show you know how fast the skydivers are falling.

6) you bought your wife a new CD-ROM drive for her birthday.

7) you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.

8) you can type 70 words per minute but can't read your own
handwriting.

9) you comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and
parallel.

10) you sit backwards on the Disneyland rides to see how they do the
special effects.

11) you have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances.

12) you have more friends on the Internet than in real life.

13) you know what "http://" stands for.

14) you look forward to Christmas so you can put the kids' toys
together.

15) you see a good design and still have to change it.

16) you spent more on your calculator than on your wedding
ring.

17) you still own a slide rule and know how to use it.

18) you think that people yawning around you are sleep deprived.

19) you window shop at Radio Shack

20) your laptop computer costs more than your car

21) your wife hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work.

22) you've already calculated how much you make per second.

23) you've tried to repair a $5 radio.

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.

whats the difference between an engineer and a mechanic

a mechanic can fix an engineers mistakes but an engineer can't fix anything

they have to start from scratch and make a new one.

Originally Posted by woodcutta

Remember
Anyone can build a bridge to do the job, but only an engineer can build a bridge that only just does the job.

Galloping Gertie anyone?[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HxTZ446tbzE"]Tacoma Narrows Newsreel[/ame]

Edit: A gripping tale:
THE FIFTY-NINE-STORY CRISIS

Originally Posted by pawnhead

Galloping Gertie anyone?Tacoma Narrows Newsreel

Edit: A gripping tale:
THE FIFTY-NINE-STORY CRISIS

These two stories and many others are in a book called 'Why Buildings Fail'. Good, if frightening, reading.

...and yes, if you have enjoyed a sense of schadenfreud while reading it, you are probably an engineer.

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,"Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Originally Posted by AlexS

These two stories and many others are in a book called 'Why Buildings Fail'. Good, if frightening, reading.

There's an interesting documentary that you can watch on-line through Google video. It's from a series called 'Modern Marvels', and it goes for 45 minutes:
Engineering Disasters

More documentaries here:
Best Online Documentaries

edit: rofl @ chrisb691. That's a good one.

I used to have a dog called "Engineer".

Whenever he misbehaved I would kick him in
the backside and he would make a bolt for the gate.

Allan

_________________________________________

I am not at all worried about dying
... but just hope I am not there at the time.

Thanks for those Pete have bookmarked them.

Allan now I bet you have a good collection of bolts but none the size you want or need.

Originally Posted by wheelinround

Thanks for those Pete have bookmarked them.

Allan now I bet you have a good collection of bolts but none the size you want or need.

Hi Ray,

Yeah, I go nuts sorting out the bolts.

Allan

_______________________________________

I am not at all worried about dying
... but just hope I am not there at the time.