New Units of Measurement

2,000 pounds of Chinese soup = won ton ... this one's for Wongo
A millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = knot furlong
365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling = 1 lite year
16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Sterling
Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon
1,000 aches = 1 kilohurtz
Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
Shortest distance between two jokes = a straight line
453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
1 million microphones = 1 megaphone
1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
2,000 mockingbirds = Two kilomockingbirds
10 cards = 1 decacards
1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 fig newton
1,000 cubic centimeters of wet socks = 1 literhosen
1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
10 rations = 1 decoration
100 rations = 1 C-ration
2 monograms = 1 diagram
8 nickels = 2 paradigms
100 Senators = not 1 decision
3 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV league