Thread: Unsubscribe Directions

To Unsubscribe from this thread:

Though I know you all enjoy being on this thread, should you ever want
to unsubscribe from it, please follow these simple instructions.

To unsubscribe from this service you must first purchase a
Craft-O-Matic Adjustable Subscription Cancellation Unit. The unit
can be obtained from most hardware stores and dental clinics.

Be sure to obtain the proper permits to operate the unit from the
Nuclear Regulatory Authority and the Therapeutic Goods Administration in
Canberra.

Be sure to carefully unpack the kit and place each component in its
accompanying mesh safety bag. Mount the Pershing DF4 mesinator on
top of the perforated Gerring Mach 77 refibulator and attach them
using the 8mm torque fork. Be sure that the refibulator is mounted
at a 66 degree angle and properly dispersed so that it is flush with
the curved section of the Pyrex thistle tube.

Place the four sections of the triangular separation gear into the
posture cylinder and lock them into place using the band aid adhesive
strip. Insert the wiggling pin into the wobbling hole, making sure
that it seated correctly.

Place the D cell battery and the eleven 9 volt batteries in the power chamber.

The device should be calibrated before operation using the optional
digital corkscrew accessory pack prior to operation. Insert the
digital corkscrew through the electronic combustion service chamber
using caution not to touch the reinforced tungsten igniter control
module, and quickly turn the inverter drive to 28.6 degrees.

Turn the Craft-O-Matic Adjustable Subscription Cancellation Unit
upside down and hit the bottom plate with a 1 kilogram ball-peen hammer
while shaking the unit vigorously.

Force open the door to the incineration valve compartment and set the
pressure gauge to 719 psi. Close the door and seal it shut with duct
tape. The unit should now be properly calibrated and ready to use.

Before activating the Craft-O-Matic Adjustable Subscription
Cancellation Unit, you must first elevate it to a height of 80 metres
above sea level to insure that the unit receives the proper oxygen
level and barometric pressure. Point the aerial to 17 degrees north
by Northeast to within the parameters of the Telstar GS-2 weather
satellite and apply pressure to the wing shaft on the southern most
section of the modular accelerator.

Using the special ratchet adapter supplied with the unit, rotate the
heater core to the "on" position. The "on" position has been
obtained when the green light begins to flash, signifying that the
red light is about to go off.

Once the red light is off, flip the toggle switch labelled "ON/OFF"
to the "ON" position and count to 47 before logging on to the system.

Logon using your username and password and wait for the prompt. Once
prompted you must check the box with the appropriate action you wish
to take and then press the pressure release button and turn off the
compressor while turning the hand crank at 231 metres per minute.

Next, press control, alt, delete, caps lock, shift, number lock,
escape and tab simultaneously.

Press enter.

You will have one second to complete the procedure. If you fail to
respond in the time limit allowed, simply purchase a new
Craft-O-Matic Adjustable Subscription Cancellation Unit and start
from the beginning.

Please remember that this is the only way we will accept for you to
unsubscribe from this service. We have made every attempt to
simplify the procedure for your convenience.

Failure to comply with the unsubscribe policy will result in
immediate termination of your subscription so please follow the above
directions closely.