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  1. 30th March 2009, 11:09 AM #1
    bullfright's Avatar
    bullfright
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    Default EVER WONDER where we are headed...

    EVER WONDER where we are headed...

    Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

    Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

    Why you don't ever see the headline: "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

    Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?

    Why Doctors call what they do "practice"?

    Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?

    Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavour, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

    Why the man who invests all your money is called a "Broker"?

    Why there isn't mouse flavoured cat food?

    Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavour?

    Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?

    Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

    Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?

    Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

    Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

    If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

    Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?

    AND....

    In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

    On a Myer hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping".
    (Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

    On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
    (The shoplifter special?)

    On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap".
    (And that would be how???)

    On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost".
    (But, it's just a suggestion).

    On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down".
    (Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

    On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating".
    (And you thought????...)

    On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body".
    (But wouldn't this save me more time?)

    On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication".
    (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)

    On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness".
    (And...I'm taking this because???)

    On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only".
    (As opposed to...what?)

    On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts".
    (Talk about a news flash!)

    On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts".
    (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

    I don't blame the company, I blame the parents for this one: On a child's superman costume:
    "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".

    On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals".
    (Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
    IAMNOWHERE
    My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
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  2. 30th March 2009 11:09 AM # ADS
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  3. 30th March 2009, 09:04 PM #2
    Batpig
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    Dear Bullfright,

    Thanks for posting that. T'was altogether funny, insightful, and bittersweet...

    Best Wishes,
    Batpig.
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  4. 30th March 2009, 09:15 PM #3
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    thay have on bottles of juice

    "invert before opening" if i do that it will all be on the floor.

    in an old chiansaw manula i have it says

    "warning: avoid cuting any person or persons"

    www.carlweiss.com.au
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    8" & 10" Lucas Mills, bobcat, 4wd tractor, 12 ton dozer, stihl saws.
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  5. 1st April 2009, 12:30 PM #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by weisyboy View Post
    "invert before opening" if i do that it will all be on the floor.
    That would be if you invert after opening.
    Mick

    avantguardian
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  6. 1st April 2009, 12:32 PM #5
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    but if i invert it and then open the cap then ill have to lye on my back to dirnk

    it would make sence if it was on teh bottom not the top.
    .

    www.carlweiss.com.au
    Mobile Sawmilling & Logging Service
    8" & 10" Lucas Mills, bobcat, 4wd tractor, 12 ton dozer, stihl saws.
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  7. 1st April 2009, 03:35 PM #6
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    of course, silly me.
    Mick

    avantguardian
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  8. 1st April 2009, 03:48 PM #7
    Skew ChiDAMN!!'s Avatar
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    It used to read "Shake before drinking" but the PR department got sick of answering "Why? I'm not a wet dog!"
    I may be weird, but I'm saving up to become eccentric.

    - Andy Mc
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  9. 3rd April 2009, 02:18 PM #8
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    a bottle of medicine I had said on the label
    "under no circumstances can you operate heavy machinery"
    .
    ....I wonder how they knew that?

    what if the hokey pokey is really what it's all about?
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  10. 3rd April 2009, 02:20 PM #9
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    EVER WONDER where we are headed...

    If I want to know I ask the missus...
    I'm just a startled bunny in the headlights of life. L.J. Young.
    We live in a free country. We have freedom of choice. You can choose to agree with me, or you can choose to be wrong.
    Wait! No one told you your government was a sitcom?
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  11. 8th April 2009, 10:22 AM #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by underfoot View Post
    a bottle of medicine I had said on the label
    "under no circumstances can you operate heavy machinery"
    .
    ....I wonder how they knew that?
    I noticed recently at work my that on an ampoule of antibiotic it had a waring stating that "this contains no antimicrobial agents"
    So what does it contain?
    Terry B
    Armidale

    The most ineffective workers will be systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage - management.
    --The Dilbert Principle
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  12. 8th April 2009, 01:36 PM #11
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    ratsack?
    Regards, Bob Thomas

    www.wombatsawmill.com
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