Thread: Malice in Wonderland

appoint myself as prime minister. That will be so cool because everybody will think I am great when I lie and cheat everybody out of their money and make them work for ........


Peter

....the Tasmanian dept of CONSERVESTION!!!!!!!!!!!... ( I think thats an oxymoron )
OK first job, cut down all them there tree, I want to see this forest turned into a desert, then we can market the island as haveing more golden sand than Queensland,.........so with that the loppers got lopping, the fellers got felling, the chippers got chipping, and the Tasmanians got......................

Left off the map again, and so joined the wild bush tritoneers to take on Nifty Neil. They planned to......

..bevel his testicles, or forsaking those, any part of his wedding tackle they could reach with the Triton Router mounted securely and safely on the Trusty Triton Workbench, and finally find a nefarious use for all those add-on you-beaut Triton optional extras.

Then they planned to route Tassie off the mainland and devise a method (maybe with the aforementioned Triton island-cutting and towing attachment) to move it closer to the equator, thereby making all that golden sand worthy of sunbaking on, much like the Whitsundays, only hillier.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

.....The Lone Tritoneer rode in on his trusty steed offering to all and sundry advice that could only be described as....

....really excellent advice, as he advocated that everyone should own at least three pieces of Triton equipment. However, the peasants over in Makita-ville...

Were laughing themselves silly. How could a Tritoneer actually do anything of consequence? I mean .. have you ever seen the equipment that he has to work with? Even Alice was laughing his lance off.

Alice had not been entirely idle during the time that Tasmania was being moved closer to the equator. No indeedy when Neil turned up again he was in for the shock of his little polishing life! Alice gave a little snigger as he thought of the surprise he had arranged for the nemesis of gallant home handymen everywhere.

The peculiar arrangement that he had given to the threaded rod caused even him to blanch a little when he thought upon it too deeply, but no, he would not weaken his resolve now.

With this thought uppermost in his mind he took a flying leap for the saddle of his courageous warhorse. Of course, he fell flat on his face, as it is almost impossible to even move with all that metal plate wrapped around your body, never mind jump anywhere. And as is the case with courageous warhorses, Dobbin had been ‘doing his thing’ again. Alice cursed loudly saying ..

....that bloody Lone Tritoneer, I bet he had something to do with this.

(Secretly, Alice was jealous of the Lone Tritoneer. To uphold his public persona Alice would slag off and belittle the Lone Tritoneer and his wild bush tritoneers, but he could not help but marvel at how they were able to produce so much from so little.) (and orange is such a lovely colour, it sets of his complexion so nicely)

And then a thought struck Alice,"What if I were to forsake all that I have and join this magnificent band, then my life would be complete."

And so Alice.....

... put aside his reservations for the present and raced off to join the nearest Triton club.

It did occur to him to wonder why a Lone Tritoneer would have a band, surely that would make the Lone part of his name redundant? Perhaps the Lone Tritoneer was confusing himself in a mixed up metaphor of Robin Hood and the Lone Ranger?

Nevertheless, Alice soon found himself happily making childrens' toys out of bits of 4x2. He even bought a tin of orange paint so he could paint his ...

...other implements, especially anything that came from Makita-ville, orange.

But all was not well, the Lone Tritoneer did not think much of Alice trying to muscle in on the wild bush tritoneers. A rift appearred in the ranks, and the wild bushies wanted to know who elected the Lone Tritoneer as leader.

Alice was quietly working in the background stirring up trouble.

"Lets elect Alice as our leader" went up the cry from the wild bush tritoneers.

And so it came to pass that on the first day of the fourth month.....

an election was called. Alice who was backed by that rogue Sir Costalot de Walt started accusing the Lone Tritoneer of being inept and the S.O.F.T. (Society of Furnituremaking Tritoneers) hit back by saying that...

they had gathered photos and other evidence of Sir Costalot, on his own toolmaking island, putting fading potion on all the tools he was claiming to be the best. The potion was changing orange tools to yellow. What dastardly-doo was he up to????

The lone Tritoneer, now plus some, obviously had the wood on Sir Costalot. And Alice was so impressed with the ability of T.T.T.(The Triton Ten) to bedazzle Sir Costalot,the election was called off and he was quite happy to accept his triton cap and jacket and T-shirt (triton shirt) and travel the many new hardware stores doing demos of his wonderful new toys, whilst the Society Of Furnituremaking Tritoneers Couldn't Overcome Callous Knickname Syndrome and used the tow cutting tool to do the island attachment to Norfolk as there was.............. :confused:

very little interest in Norfolk Island apart from the tall trees that grew there.

Alice awoke with a start. He had just had the most awful nightmare, wherein he dreamed that he had actually, (and this will make you laugh,) been under the impression that Triton made tools. Hahahahahah.

Alice stood up and stroked his Jet extension piece before tucking it back into his trousers. He felt 'saw' and absolutely 'routed' after a nightmare like that but his touching his own familiar equipment quickly brought him to ..

.... a climactic decision. He would hence forth wander across to Makitaville and.....