Thread: Poets corner.............

Of course if you must,
you can write in the dust
of poem's that rhyme or that don't

But if you a girly critique
you will find that her pique
will ensure when you ask her she won't!

It's probably worth mention
That the good Zed's intention
In commenting on Mary's gooey pediment

Was less to seduce her
Nor yet to traduce her
But rather to point out that sediment

Had adhered to her feet,
Her great plates of meat,
And the strong possibility existed

That if she should leave them unclean,
She might not leave the scene
Without shoes badly twisted.

As far as that goes,
As any man knows,
'tis the bane of a young girl's existence.

To walk down the street,
With twisted shoes on her feet,
Is bound to result in bad blisters.

"So you see, my fair belle",
"twas not giving you hell",
"I was trying to avert a disaster"

To which she did reply,
"Oh Zed, please don't lie"
"'cause I know just what you are after".

This raises the question
The implied suggestion
That Zed had found Mary attractive.

Despite Al's description,
His plain, simple depiction
Of Mary - by no means refractive:

"Short, fat and hairy"
(In looks ordinary)
Thus Al, in an earlier stanza

Could Zed be deluded,
His sight p'raps occluded
Or is he simply a chancer?

What's more likely is Zed
With his simian head
Ain't repelled by Mary's appearance

Au contraire, he has found her,
The primitive bounder,
To be to his taste, his adherence ...

To style and to fashion,
Have long been his passion,
And it could be that Mary would swoon,

If Zed showed his true style,
His wink and his smile,
And the contents of his pantaloons.

For there were no trousers finer,
From Egypt to China,
Nor pockets so well lined with sable.

And his waistcoat was sewn,
By the best tailor known.
Yes he was Zeddy: willing and able.

but then...

Perhaps she just lied,
or was it implied?
that her meat plates numbered but one,

Zed soon would discover
once under the cover
that one of her pegs was just gone!

No worries he thought
That new plane I bought
From Paul's, is both sharp and fantastic,

I'd make a new leg for her quick as a flash
If I still had some cash,
or credit left on my plastic.

If Zed does not blench
At the thought of his wench
Having less than the custom'ry tally

Of limbs down below,
Then we all must acknow-
-ledge his judgement most impartially.

Fact is, he's a primate.
Not like you and I, mate.
His views on the world aren't like ours.

Using a Muji smoother
He'll construct anoother
Spare leg - to show he's not a tight @rse.

A smoother perhaps,
Would be useful on slabs,
for creating a smooth and flat surface,

But for shaping a leg,
your forgiveness I beg,
A spokeshave would provide better service.

Now as is well known,
For his cover is blown,
Zed now owns such a device.

Though his dreams may yet shatter,
For he can't stop the chatter,
Can someone please give him advice?

you guys are all bastards....

...
Blackguards and dastards",
Cried Zed to his tormentors three.

"I'll see you next morn,
At the first crack of dawn,
And my pistol will set your souls free."

But alas and alack,
he sold it waaaay back,
and bought with the proceeds a driver,

A right angled one
but no good as a gun
and the change from the deal was a fiver,

He sat up that night
to ponder the fight
he knew a greenie for each
would just fix,

He wanted to love them, he wanted to care
for the insect, the chook and the bear,
..but when all's said and done,

they're just pricks.

He went out to his shed,
The incomparable Zed,
To examine with care his tool hoard.

He needed to find
A blade of just the right grind
To bring back to the Bulletin Board

His tormentors three:
That's you two, and me,
Had been giving him curry for days.

It was time, thought young Zeddy
I am more than just ready
To get back at these bastards in spades

So ...

Sorry Zed.

You others are good, you crack me up.

Al

Me too, clever bastards