Thread: He follered me home ma, can we keep him??

You'll have to excuse my friend....... .. well no you don't!!

I just thought I'd spend a day or two teaching him how to melt in with the locals, you know, always wear a knotted handkerchief as a hat when in the city, sandals are not acceptable footwear unless worn with long white socks, two fingers stuck firmly in the air is the way we signal to policemen that we don't need their assitance.... just the normal stuff we all know, and forget that foreigners may not be aware of.

Besides, he's still living in Vancouver time, and his missus doesn't get here for another month .

Watch the day countdown change now!

Cheers,

P

Originally Posted by bitingmidge

You'll have to excuse my friend....... .. well no you don't!!

I just thought I'd spend a day or two teaching him how to melt in with the locals, you know, always wear a knotted handkerchief as a hat when in the city, sandals are not acceptable footwear unless worn with long white socks, two fingers stuck firmly in the air is the way we signal to policemen that we don't need their assitance.... just the normal stuff we all know, and forget that foreigners may not be aware of.

Besides, he's still living in Vancouver time, and his missus doesn't get here for another month .

Watch the day countdown change now!

Cheers,

P

Brother Midge

I trust that you have advised him of the danger from drop bears and that the only known deterrent is to soak your head in urine before venturing forth? (Of course, this applies only to new chums - those of us who have been here a while have developed the appropriate immunity).

Col

Thank you all for the warm welcome. My first couple of days have been great. Thanx to Pete and Jo who have made this hair brained idea of mine a very easy one.

Matt,

I have to apologise for the cruelty of our Immigration Minister in sentencing you to spend two years in a hell-hole like Maroochydore. Usually she is kinder to recent arrivals and sends them to resort towns like Woomera or Port Hedland and houses them for free in complexes tastefully decorated with barbed wire. But Dubya has asked the Australian government to be particularly tough on Canadians, in revenge for poisoning the minds of Americans with radical ideas about socialized medicine and suchlike.

Rocker

Anyone from the Veritas land as it should be known is welcome downhere, particularly if he managed to sneak in a few LA jacks.... Did you, did you??????

Originally Posted by Driver

I trust that you have advised him of the danger from drop bears and that the only known deterrent is to soak your head in urine before venturing forth? (Of course, this applies only to new chums - those of us who have been here a while have developed the appropriate immunity).

All in good time Mr Driver!

Tonight we have a little drizzle and some cool breeze forecast in the little bush gully nearby, I reckon it will be down near 3° by 4.00 am, so the drop bears will be pretty well out of contention, but it will be perfect weather to spot a Qantas I think.

I'll send him out with a stool, a bottle of bundy and a pair of binocs. It's a pity the little buggers are so sensitive and usually don't come out if there's more than one human around, because I'll have to wait at home in bed.

Cheers,

P

Originally Posted by bitingmidge

I'll send him out with a stool, a bottle of bundy and a pair of binocs. It's a pity the little buggers are so sensitive and usually don't come out if there's more than one human around, because I'll have to wait at home in bed.

Yerss - this is sound thinking. Introducing him gently to the pleasure of the bush via some Qantas-spotting before exposing him to the more obvious dangers. You're a warm-hearted person, there's no doubt about ya!

Don't listen to them Mat. There's nothing dangerous or peculiar in the Australian bush. The snakes make good pets, especially the brown ones. You can pick them up and stroke them and they will curl around your arm and go to sleep. If you find a large black spider in your boot, don't worry. If you flick it's fangs with your fingernail it will playfully grab your finger and wrestle with it, a bit like a playful little kitten really.

When you go walking, there's no need to take food or water because you can eat everything you see in the Australian bush. All you need is a silly hat. Don't worry about getting lost because Telstra has installed payphones in every tree as a part of their promise to improve communications in the bush.

The only thing you need to be warned about is the beer in QLD. Under no circumstances should you drink it. The locals will try to tempt you by drinking it in front of you and pretending it tastes good. Don't be fooled. All Queenslanders have an esophagus bypass at birth. They can redirect the vile stuff down a different tube, away from their taste buds and MOST importantly, their stomachs. If you swallow it, seek medical attention immediately. The most obvious warning is on the label: 'XXXX', which is the international symbol for poison.

Don't forget to pat those cute little saltwater crocs. They have "pleasure" nerves under their tongues which they love massaged.

It's obvious but I'll say it anyway - this is why they open their mouths when you go near them because they just love the massaging. Tickling their tonsils is something they also love.

When you see signs BEWARE OF CROCS this is to warn people to be careful because they are such delicate creatures that could easily be injured if you accidently step on them especially the larger ones because they are so old and fragile.

Mr C's post is generally accurate, but I am concerned that no one has warned you about the yowies, which are particularly prevalent in your area. They are nocturnal, and have been known to enter houses in search of victims. However, you can divert them from their evil intentions by leaving a couple of beers (NOT the poison labelled XXXX) or bottles of red wine outside your bedroom door.

If you think I'm exaggerating the dangers, try it. I'll bet the drinks are gone in the morning. I'm sure the mayor of Mountain Ck. will confirm this.

Nah; the Mayor of Mountain Creek is 'off on his travels'. It may not be generally known, but what he means is that he is busy building a resort near Gladstone, which will be known as 'The town of 1066'. It is designed, I believe, for aging Poms, under an arrangement with Tony Blair and Qantas to relieve over-population in the Old Dart. The idea is to entice all those Britishers who have been kicking themselves that they didn't come over when the fare was ten pounds to enjoy the pleasures of XXXX before they die. Qantas will ensure that most of them die from DVT shortly after their arrival, and the Queensland government will pocket the hefty sums that they have laid out in Stamp Duty for their piece of paradise. A most satisfactory arrangement all round

Rocker