Thread: help with family member acholic

Oh mate this is a hard one my father is a sober alcoholic. And he said there is not a thing anyone else can do it for her. She got to want to do it for herself. Because the first 12 months after you give up is really difficulty. LIke any addiction you got to find other ways to fill in your time or your hands or even just to satisfy the brain when it says a beer right now go well..

This is a tough situation and very hard on you all. I do hope that you find a way to intervene for her. I will prayer for you and your family during thistime. This is a tough situation
all the best
Toni

thanks Tony...yep , lot of prayer is needed for this family, before she sends half of us off the deep end...

i still think she won't admit she is a alcholic, she's going though a divorce after a nasty husband beating, and she had a nice 5million $ house and now she's on her own and the husband has the house, and kids, so her problem is being fueled constaintly...

money and material things mean little me or in fact most of us really compared to good health, but some people like her seem to think life ain't worth living without it..

We also have a family member with alcohol problems, and Toni's right; you have to strap yourself in and hang on for the ride. What we have done is to set up a bank account to which we all contribute in case of emergencies.

Alcoholics often have low self esteem and a general sense of worthlessness, so telling them that they should give up drinking and "be more normal, like us" is of little value.

They know what's going on and will learn to avoild people who insist on pointing out the thunderingly obvious.

Better to let them know that you are there for them in a moral, material, and family sense. Good luck with it.

Originally Posted by Rossluck

Alcoholics often have low self esteem and a general sense of worthlessness, so telling them that they should give up drinking and "be more normal, like us" is of little value.

They know what's going on and will learn to avoild people who insist on pointing out the thunderingly obvious.

yeh she does that, avoids picking up the phone when she is on a drinking spree because she probably know's she will get told off for drinking again, i see your point and why it does'nt help at all, and yes after a beating by her husband she has no self esteem...

Has she been to a doctor or community health clinic? There are a few medical aids available. One is Naltrexone (also used to treat junkies) which is supposed to block effects and campral which supposedly blocks cravings.
No self esteem and after what she's been through probably anxiety / depression issues that alcohol is used to cover up. If she is anxious I think that would need to be treated at the same time. Best way IMO is being aware of breathing and altering it to suit. I did a quick search about breathing techniques for anxiety and a few talked about deep breathing or some other such nonsense.
My missus has a drinking problem btw, and I have survived and beaten other addictions.
Mick

Originally Posted by Buteykohealth.com.au

Panic and Anxiety Conditions
When a person becomes anxious or starts to panic, the pulse rate increases, the palms of the hands may become sweaty, muscles tense and the mind and emotions become singularly focused on the anxiety-causing event or situation. Another physiological change in the body at this time is an increase in the rate and depth of breathing. We go into what is referred to as the ‘Fight or Flight’ state. This is a normal response to stress.
In a person with a normal anxiety response, once the anxiety-causing event has passed the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems return the body to normal physiological baselines.
If a chronic state of hyperventilation exists (that is, the person breathes more than the physiologically required 4-5 litres per minute all or much of the time) then this will trigger changes in the parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous systems producing a chronic state of anxiety. The person will feel as if they are permanently in a state of ‘Fight or Flight’ and have a permanently elevated level of anxiety.
Hyperventilation and anxiety form a ‘vicious circle’, one leading to the other. The process may be ‘pushed’ or initiated from either end. One person may experience anxiety which then leads to hyperventilation, another person may hyperventilate leading to feelings of rising anxiety and/or panic. One feeds the other in an increasing spiral.
The Buteyko Institute Method program stops this vicious circle by teaching people how to correct hyperventilation bringing breathing rates back to normal and thereby reducing the resultant anxiety and panic. Once their breathing is back to a normal level they no longer have to live constantly in the ‘Fight or Flight’ state. Their body is able to return to normal after cessation of the anxiety-causing event.
Hyperventilation and anxiety form a ‘vicious circle’, one leading to the other. The process may be ‘pushed’ or initiated from either end. In one person they will experience anxiety which then leads to hyperventilation, another person will hyperventilate leading to feelings of rising anxiety and/or panic. One feeds the other in an increasing spiral. .
..

Originally Posted by Gingermick

No self esteem and after what she's been through probably anxiety / depression issues that alcohol is used to cover up. If she is anxious I think that would need to be treated at the same time.

A lot of alcohol abuse (and this is somewhat different to other drug use) is that it is "self-medication" for exactly what Mick says. Depression and/or anxiety.

Given what she has been through, it is not surprising. A person without a pre-disposition to depression would be having a hard time of it. If she has a pre-disposition to depression (often, but not always, genetically inherited), then she is having a much harder time than you probably already think.

I don't want to alarm you, but I would definitely be on the lookout for tendencies to self-harm.

My advice would be to get her admitted as soon as possible to a mental health clinic. Let them do the assessment and prescribe a course of treatment. This will no doubt include drugs, including anti-depressants. They are not a panacea and she will still need friends and family for support for some time. However, make sure that she keeps taking them and doesn't stop without medical supervision. This is the most common mistake made by people that are prescribed anti-depressants.

Unfortunately, I know far far too much about these problems.

I have nothing to support this other than anecdotal evidence.

Part of depression could be anger not dealt with, anger left internalised, for example, feel angry, can't let the anger be seen, outwardly everything's fine, inwardly everything's raging, can't let it out so internalise it, get depressed as it turns into feeling powerless, helpless, out of control.....

Perhaps learning that anger let out is actually helpful....., a great stress reliever.....

Hmm, does any of the family know if she's simply had the chance to cry and grieve over it all? Holding back tears is another aspect of depression, imho, again without any evidence other than personal experience.

Best wishes La Huerta

Wendy

Its a very hard question,

I grew up with alcoholism in the family both my mother and step father and a workaholic/compulsive liar for a father.

I now have a sister that suffers from alcoholism as well and a sister that suffers from an eating disorder.

What we have found out over the past years is that they are all suffering from depression in some way and to different degrees.

Now as most people have said is that it is normally hiding something and really if the person wont acknowledge they have a problem then you need to be careful as they can turn on you real quick and then themselves, so I would probably give lifeline a call they should be able to point you in the right direction.

Also have a look at http://reachout.com.au/home.asp
http://www.lifeline.com.au/

Alcoholism is a disease and should be treated that way.

One of the things that you are going to have to be is to be positive and keep your chin up I understand you are very concerned but try not let it get you down to much.

Sean

I dont think she can be compelled to get treatment. That can only be done by a court as far as I know.
http://www.serviceseeker.com.au/ for somewhere or someone close to you who can help. Get a number and give one of the agencies you find a call. You will find the people you speak to quite helpful (they usually are) and can point you in the direction of a good counsellor for her.
Hope that helps
Mick

gee thanks for the input so far guys, some of you seem to be getting a little off your chest too...

yes, a healthy person expresses themselves, not repress, i knew a long time ago that she was not happy and she is the type of person that gets walked all over her whole life never sticking up for herself or getting angry, instead holding it in year after year, i actually said to someone about 5 years ago that she wiil one day snap, i was unfortunitly right...

The Russel Crows of the world are fine, they get angry and carry on like a idiot when things don't work out or someone pi$$es them off, i'm like this my self, i spit the dummy any chance i get, feels bloody great...!, and apart from the odd day i'm happy 99.9%of the time.

it's the ones that keep in all in that are a worry, one day they just pop...

well just an update...not good news...

the other day a family member who had a funny feeling went over to her place and found her almost dead, actually that was the idea, she tried to do herself in by drinking 7 botels of burbin, ambulance took her to hostpital and we were told she may only have 2 to 7 days to live, it's been almost 7 days now and she has a little spirit back may push through exept here liver is now stuffed.

Mate you and the family will beat their heads against the wall , there is little you or anyone can for them until they realise they have a problem and admit to themsesves that they have a problem.
I have had to deal with a diffrent problem that is bi polar and until you can get them to admit to themselves that there is a problem and talk openly with their friends relatives that they have a problem then it will not be resolved
One thing to remember is that it is an illness and those afflicted need all the help they can get and do not need any judgements by friends or family. ( THERE BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD GO I )
There are no Quick fixes
but my thoughts are with you and I hope you get a good result.

Rgds
Russell

Best wishes la huerta,

When I first read the post I was going to say that she will need to hit rock bottom first but sadly she sounds like she is there already. Hope she pulls through.

Both SWMBO's parents were alcoholics. Mum died at 55 and dad is 65 and just about stuffed with the drink and alcohol abuse.

My only advice is to make sure your immediate family comes before the alcoholic. May be harsh but alcoholics can cause horrendous problems for those that love them and these people really need to be protected from them.

cheers

dazzler

yeh i think war may be coming in this family, you'll read about in in the papers...

"STRESS FAMILY ROIT AND REAK HAVOC -ALCHOLIC RELATIVE TO BLAME"