Thread: "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation"

Don't the moderators censor profundity?


P

Originally Posted by ernknot

I was going to come up with something profound but decided what the hell!

Hey werent those the last words screamed by that guy who decided to try sky diving without a parachute??

Ah boys, there are things to be said for the single state. The only woman in my life is three and lives with me half the time. She causes enough trouble to last the rest of the week. My lad (12) is with me all the time and so we get to enjoy a carefree, bachelor existence when my little princess is at her mothers, like going fishing straight after school and keeping the bait in the freezer.
No wimmen's troubles.
No mimmen's stresses.
It's great.
So why do I put the kids to bed, look at the cat and think that there are benefits to having a partner, like companionship.

And no, I'm not going to get profound. I tried that once but found it messed with my boat building.

Cheers
Richard
not nuts, just a good imitator

Richard...your website looks like it's down (10pm Sunday, NT Time). Got a message telling me the site wasnt on the server.

Dont think its a problem with the IT system Im running through.

Thanks for that Kiwi. It's an old story. When the ex decided to become an ex, she cut off my internet access. So I got a new provider, and moved my homepage ... and forgot to change my signature. Hence the no-show of my website. It works now. The boats are under 'Interests'.

I see you're in the Adelaide Hills. Pretty close to home if you're interested in making contact.

Cheers
Richard

Originally Posted by Daddles

Hence the no-show of my website. It works now. The boats are under 'Interests'.

I see you're in the Adelaide Hills. Pretty close to home if you're interested in making contact.

Cheers
Richard

Might just do that. Im not a sailing person (spend half my life on the sea at work) but the boats do look dandy and well built. The MGs are pretty spiffy too. You'd probably know a good friend of mine whos an MG nut..John Kemp. He's in the MG car club. He owns a couple B's, an A but his pride and joy is a Costello V8....a lovely machine that Ive driven a couple of times. The skid marks from the first drive are still outside my front gate. John used to me my neigbour and I watched him rebuild the Costello from the ground up....a real labour of love.

Cheers Martin

I've been away for a few days. Thanks for sharing the thoughts people.

After that crappy few days things have improved somewhat, and we had a very nice weekend. I should add that one shouldn't post after arguments and wine - but there you go.

Andrew - I guess you should do what I should do, and go somewhere and talk it over. I did try this, but it made me sadder at the time, and that particular conversation didn't resolve anything. Maybe we need to have lots - not easy with pre-schoolers, work etc. I can recommend a book called 'Manhood', which at keast identified some of the things that were happening around me. I hope you were not thinking of signing off the BIG bulletin board BTW - don't do that mate, she'd never forgive you then!

Kiwigeo - the ol' homesick blues do strike without warning, and tend to increase the lonely feeling. Thanks for your responses - much appreciated, and i guess no-one gets it right all the time.

There definately is a PLAN in hitting the workshop - though i then get accused of 'abandoning' 'er indoors. I've ordered the dewalt 735, so will HAVE to get out there and thrash that. Won't make the troubled feelings go away, but man, will it bury them in sawdust YEAH!

Good to see that even the most serious threads don't take long to get hijakced - V8 MG's indeed!

Thank you

Den

Den
I'm glad I'm not the only one who regrets posts made after wine.
Glad to hear all's not lost. It does get hard to take at times, but as Joe says it's better than being dead. If you escape to the shed you'll be accused of making her a shed widow.
I'm taking her away this weekend (my "her" not yours) so I should earn some quality shed time for the future, and perhaps rekindle that old flame as well, I'll certainly take Jackie's advice.

I have no idea what your wife is like but alot of women have to re-learn how to be somewhat independant again. They have to re-learn how to have 'other interests' other then kids/hubby, they have to re-learn that doing the washing/cooking/cleaning is NOT important if its making her unhappy.

Does your wife have a hobby? You have woodwork/footy/fishing/cars or whatever, but does she have other interests besides doing all the wife things kids/cooking/cleaning/shopping? I'm not talking about what she does with her friends because the problem probably occurs when one goes off to the shed to do what HE WANTS and she is left in the house to do WIFE stuff???

Someone once said to me (when I was searching for my hobby..LOL) what did you best enjoy as a child? What was your favourite thing to do? Took a bit of thinking but I realised it was my love for animals and how I wanted to bring home every stray dog there was...I am now heading towards owning a refuge home for dogs. (long term goal)

Maybe help your wife find her one thing that she use to love doing as a child... even if it means setting up a work station in the shed LMAO

All the best,
Kylie

Originally Posted by gemi_babe

Maybe help your wife find her one thing that she use to love doing as a child... even if it means setting up a work station in the shed LMAO

All the best,
Kylie

I tried that with my office...gave a corner of same to my wife. Now its HER office and Ive been allocated a corner of same for my work

But youre right of course....Im often guilty of the crime described, head off to the shed and do the shed thing and sort of just forget Ive got a wife. Mind you my wife doesnt stay inside and do the wifey thing since we dont have kids and I do a bulk of the "wifey" work around the place. Its probably because of the latter that my wife generally leaves me alone when I head out to the workshop....its my reward for keeping the house in shape.

Mate, life is not meant to be unhappy! remove the problem.. send it away, forget it.. there are plenty possible partners ahead.. I see by the tone and the text of your letter you are deeply unhappy. If you think you will be ok in the future, i believe you are wrong...this will always cause you grief... better to bail out of a burning aircraft than to go down in flames....

You will have sad moments for sure but try to get a balanced view, if the times when she makes you happy and glad to have her around outweigh the bad times when she makes you depressed, you need to analyze the causes of your depression.. Were you depressed before partner came on scene? look for a total solution.. just my 2 cents...

I wouldn't be too quick to have her take up space in your shed either. While married, my office and workshop was a room in the house. It kept me in contact with the family. It allowed her easy access to me all the time and she used it. I was never able to just be alone. Sure, she was someone who didn't respect personal space or privacy (remember, this is an ex we're talking about) but I did notice that when I started building boats, and had a workshop in the shed, I was able to get that privacy. The extra distance, though trivial, was enough to give me that space a bloke needs.

I was talking to my Dad a few months back and, right out of the blue, he commented that whenever he got the s***s with Mum, he'd go out in the shed until he or she had calmed down. Strangely, only a few weeks later, Mum commented that one of the things that kept them happy was that whenever things got tense between them, Dad would go out in his shed until things had calmed down.

A bloke needs his shed. It's become a bit of a cliched joke now, but it's based on long experience. In the past, blokes instinctively knew that they needed a haven and their women understood that. Perhaps they didn't understand why, but they understood the need. Nowadays, we're told we should do everything together, that if we want to solve problems, we should sit down and talk about them. Well, talking is good but you need to get the steam out first and sometimes, all that's needed is a bit of time in the shed.

On a similar note, I was an aeromodeller for many years. I was talking to a bloke up at the field one day about the hobby and he said that just before he retired, his wife gave him three months to find a hobby or she'd leave him - she couldn't bear the thought of having him underfoot all the time. She understood the need for space. At that time, he'd been retired five years and they were still happy.

Cheers
Richard
who's an expert at relationships, being twice divorced now. So what the f*** would I know.

Sorry guys, still working on that profound thinggy! give me time.