Thanks Thanks:  0
Likes Likes:  0
Needs Pictures Needs Pictures:  0
Picture(s) thanks Picture(s) thanks:  0
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 29

Thread: Mens Rules

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Age
    71
    Posts
    651

    Default Mens Rules

    SWMBO found this somewhere & sent it to me. Good for a bit of a chuckle...

    Keith



    We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.



    These are our rules:

    •Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!



    1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to change that



    1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.



    1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be



    1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.



    1. Crying is blackmail.


    1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:

    • Subtle hints do not work!

    • Strong hints do not work!

    • Obvious hints do not work!

    • JUST SAY IT!



    1. ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question



    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for



    1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor



    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days



    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us



    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one



    1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done

    • Not both

    • If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself



    1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials



    1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we



    1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.

    • Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit.

    • We have no idea what mauve is.



    1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.



    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle



    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear



    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, Really



    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as:

    – Sex,

    – Sport, or

    – Cars



    1. You have enough clothes



    1. You have too many shoes



    1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.



    1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.


  2. # ADS
    Google Adsense Advertisement
    Join Date
    Always
    Age
    2010
    Posts
    Many





     
  3. #2
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Kuranda, paradise, North Qld
    Age
    62
    Posts
    5,639

    Default

    Highly accurate (and very funny ) however there's one major mistake - the title. "Rules" generally refer to requirements that need to be met, this looks more like a wish list (or wishful thinking ) to me.

    Mick
    "If you need a machine today and don't buy it,

    tomorrow you will have paid for it and not have it."

    - Henry Ford 1938

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Garvoc VIC AUSTRALIA
    Posts
    11,464

    Default

    Nevertheless They have been accredited by a female
    Regards, Bob Thomas

    www.wombatsawmill.com

  5. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Perth
    Posts
    96

    Default

    ROFLMAFTSCOMN




    To me it is more of a wish list than a set of rules that the finer sex is surpose to follow.
    Cheers

  6. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    kyogle N.S.W
    Age
    50
    Posts
    4,844

    Default

    Good stuff. Clever and spot on.

    Makes me feel that I'm definetly not alone. All men, afterall, go through it.

  7. #6
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    South Oz, the big smokey bit in the middle
    Age
    67
    Posts
    4,377

    Default

    Sorry. They don't work for me. The only female in my life is 4, and these rules don't even come close to addressing the issues of having a spirited, energetic four year old around.

    Richard

  8. #7
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Eden Hills, South Australia
    Age
    62
    Posts
    3,458

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Daddles
    Sorry. They don't work for me. The only female in my life is 4, and these rules don't even come close to addressing the issues of having a spirited, energetic four year old around.

    Richard
    Bet they would've been useful 5 years ago!
    Those are my principles, and if you don't like them . . . well, I have others.

  9. #8
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    South Oz, the big smokey bit in the middle
    Age
    67
    Posts
    4,377

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by zenwood
    Bet they would've been useful 5 years ago!
    No, coz she's 4 1/2 and 5 years ago, she was already on her way

    Richard

  10. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    Location
    Yinnar, Victoria, Australia
    Age
    66
    Posts
    1,277

    Default

    Daddles, you may as well keep them as a reference.. who knows, you may be unfortunate enough to attract one older than 4 1/2 one day .
    I try and do new things twice.. the first time to see if I can do it.. the second time to see if I like it
    Kev

  11. #10
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    South Oz, the big smokey bit in the middle
    Age
    67
    Posts
    4,377

    Default

    Eh, is he allowed to make threats like that on the forum?

    Blonde
    gorgeous
    forties
    own table saw
    can sharpen planes

    actually, I'll settle for any combination of the last three

    Then there's always the theory that I've built the tender, she can provide the 30' yacht

    And until that comes to pass, I guess I'll just have to keep watching Funniest Home Videos and lusting after Toni

    Richard
    the flu's getting better - must be the scotch

  12. #11
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Burnett Heads, QLD
    Age
    64
    Posts
    1,535

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Daddles
    I've built the tender, she can provide the 30' yacht
    Hold out for a 40 foot catamaran

  13. #12
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    SA
    Posts
    507

    Default

    Huh! Well you guys constantly break your own rules! Now just take a closer look at rule number 1 ....

    Cheers
    Tikki

  14. #13
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    Beachport, South Oz, the best little town on the planet.
    Age
    72
    Posts
    1,675

    Default

    Tikki, petal, I loves ya BUT you may have have bitten off more than even you can chew here.......

  15. #14
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Eden Hills, South Australia
    Age
    62
    Posts
    3,458

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Daddles
    Blonde
    gorgeous
    forties
    own table saw
    can sharpen planes
    Nah: don't want 'er in the shed. Stop at item 2.

    And even if it's not the flu getting better, keep taking the scotch, you'll die happy.
    Those are my principles, and if you don't like them . . . well, I have others.

  16. #15
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    East Bentleigh, Melbourne, Vic
    Age
    68
    Posts
    4,494

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tikki
    Huh! Well you guys constantly break your own rules! Now just take a closer look at rule number 1 ....

    Cheers
    Tikki
    Yeah Tikki,

    BUT: refer to rule # 1 (they're all #1 after all)

    One is good! More than one "1" is even better

    Cheers!

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. rules men live by
    By Gino in forum WOODIES JOKES
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 9th January 2009, 08:52 AM
  2. Mens Sheds
    By TheDad in forum ANNOUNCEMENTS
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 17th June 2005, 09:12 PM
  3. NEW Men's Shed on the Central Coast NSW (UMINA)
    By Aussie redback in forum MEN'S SHEDS / MEN IN SHEDS
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 29th May 2005, 09:48 PM
  4. Men's Rules
    By silentC in forum WOODIES JOKES
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 12th September 2003, 06:04 PM
  5. mens rules
    By cliff cook in forum WOODIES JOKES
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 29th September 2002, 09:09 PM

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •