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12th April 2012, 05:57 PM #46
I think its a balancing act. One in which we may need to make some small adjustments to every now and again.
It feels good to help somebody out, regardless of whether they ever return the favour. On the other hand, some people will take advantage of generosity and abuse the privledge.
Helping the grateful and avoiding the users is the balancing part.
I believe its all too easy to get burnt and let that experience taint our willingness to help when next somebody needs or wants it. This merely shows we are humans after all and we don't always get it right.
At the end of the day, I believe it better to have been used by somebody a bit, then to turn away someone in need.
These are personal views only and it is not my intention to tell anyone else how they should act. We each act in accordance with our own past experiences, and anyone who has had different experiences has no right to judge someone else.
Just as an aside......has anyone else ever noticed that....at least in the bush...you can get more work done for a slab, than you can with $100 cash in hand.
A phenomona I've always been intrigued with.
Cheers
JimBeing happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections....
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12th April 2012, 05:59 PM #47
Had the same experience today, Brother-in-law wants a wooden box to store bits for his Caravan, he'd already had a go at cutting things to length, but wasn't quite accurate enough, so I ran everything off on the table saw, glued it up and hit it with the nail gun, not exactly fine furniture, but pretty solid job done in about an hour or less. He'll be back later with a few VB's.. I don't mind when people are prepared to have a go.
Speaking about favours going around, "what goes around comes around", I couldn't count the number of times in past years when people on the forum have returned favours, most recent, was a package that arrived unsolicited from rodm, with cnc files and cutters that he thought I might find handy, amazing generosity, (many thanks again Rod ) nothing asked in return other than that I should "pay it forward" I think it's a sign of a healthy community when people are prepared to go out of their way to help others.
Regards
Ray
PS... Pay it forward
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12th April 2012, 10:17 PM #48GOLD MEMBER
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It's not all bad...
A mate came around on Tuesday and I thicknessed and biscuit jointed some pine for a kitchen cabinet he was making. Next morning he turned up with a slab of James Boags. I told him I would be happy with a six pack, but he insisted. That's why he's a mate and my neighbour is just a neighbour.
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13th April 2012, 01:28 AM #49GOLD MEMBER
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Well pay it forward happened pretty quick for me.
A mate dropped this off tonight. A zero backlash 4th axis with 50:1 reduction and a 5 inch chuck. The parts were mine and he did the machining and assembly. There is a lot of work there and I am over the moon. Looks like the mill will get a workout this weekend. I'll post details of it on the CNC threads.Cheers,
Rod
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13th April 2012, 04:47 PM #50Senior Member
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That's someone that you can call a mate.
I have grown tired of constantly supporting certain persons in my family who play the 'poor me' card. Things were tolerable, but over the last couple of years they have perfected their bleating and manipulation.
Example: I had a Chevy V8 (points) distributor sitting on my workbench. Eventually I will use it again. SIQ #3 (scumbag in question) stood in front of the bench looking at it and started: "I really need a Chev distributor, do you know where I can get one?" To which I replied "Eagle spares in Dandenong, you can get a rebuilt electronic one for $250.00" to which the answer was "Nah, I really want a points one," - he then lights a Peter Jackson and takes a swig from his can of Beam and cola- "I can't afford that because I'm on a disability pension, do you know where I can get one?" etc etc.
I fell for this once. It has been tried again and again and again with various items in my house and shed, and I have said no. Then when I said no one day, SIQ #1 cracked the sads, invented an argument, and left in a huff.
Not long after that I told SIQ's #1, 2 and 3 to take a journey which included sex and travel. I have had enough of their hardened parasitic welfare mentality. It is hard to do it with family, but it had to be done.
It's not just liberating me out of my (to them- 'excess') possessions, but it has been months of free labour, never paying for things they asked me to pick up for them, breaking agreements, drinking beer and not replacing it- etc. etc.
I have come to the conclusion that it is a premeditated strategy and not a coincidence that it keeps happening.
When I REALLY needed help, they were nowhere to be found.
There is a book called 'The Gift of Fear' by Gavin Debecker... it is more to do with the victim mentality of abusive relationships, but he states:
'If someone hurts you once you are an innocent victim. If you let them do it again you are a WILLING PARTICIPANT."
Anyone can get caught out... and can teach you valuable lessons.... but then you MUST shut the door.
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13th April 2012, 05:24 PM #51Distracted Member
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There has been a wide variety of thought-provoking responses. I like the paying forward concept, but I guess there are also times to slam the door on freeloaders.
To come back to Michael's original question, in this situation, with a complete stranger, I think you are entitled to ask, "And what can you do for me?" He will either have an answer or he won't. Either way the lay of the land will become clearer. He may have got the idea from your cool reception, but if he does come back, it's not too late to ask.
I'm sure there are many people who genuinely believe their friendship should be ample reward for any services rendered, and will be deeply offended by any hints to the contrary. If so, better to opt out sooner rather than later. But it's a gamble isn't it? Your sculptor neighbour might turn out to be the nicest, most interesting guy you've met in years. He might even be the one handing you a shovel when your life turns brown.
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13th April 2012, 05:57 PM #52Senior Member
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Hey don't get me wrong.... I would probably trust someone I'd never met more that people who are related. At least they start with a clean slate.
I think it is when a pattern starts to form.
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13th April 2012, 07:00 PM #53
My workshop is at the back of my house and only a small section can be seen from the street .
Those that are important to me as friends and neighbours know what I can do in that work shop and are free to ask for freebies.
My arrangement relies on payback for others . I do machining jobs for people and they do sandblasting , aluminium welding etc for me . Some times it takes years to even up but eventually it comes around.
One instance is the local sheet metal guy , he has a lathe but is not full bottle on how to operate it , on occasion he will call me and I will go over and show him how to do a turning job.
He also calls on me to cut large diameter material with my power hacksaw , some times It will take a whole day to cut up what he wants .Generally I do not charge him and just before Easter I needed a small welding job done on my aluminium boat I called him and he told me to bring it over , he did it straight away ,no charge.
Tomorrow I'm going around to one of my closest friends to help him do some work on a Model A Ford engine he is restoring ,we will drink a few beers and all will be good.
Kev."Outside of a dog a book is man's best friend ,inside a dog it's too dark to read"
Groucho Marx
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14th April 2012, 05:54 PM #54SENIOR MEMBER
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First, second & third strike all at one go.
Nobody smokes in my shed. OK this is a bit irrational seeing as I weld, cut & grind there but past experience shows me that smokers also ash their cigarettes on the floor and are not above dropping butts there too. Or leaving beer cans with drowned butts in them wherever convenient, only to have me knock them over later & have to deal with the mess.
Examples like your relatives are why it's best to keep them right away from the shed. What the eyes don't see, the mind can't covet. The beer thing is easy - don't have any handy.
PDW
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14th April 2012, 10:35 PM #55
That brings back a memory from about 23yrs ago whilst I was doing my apprenticeship, one of my brothers had a heap of mates over plus one of my mates and my mate thought it'd be ok to break into my locked liquor cabinet and locked bar fridge. I was home but in bed asleep as I usually had an early start.
Imagine my surprise when I got home the next night expecting to enjoy a nice cold beer and maybe a bourbon, only to find that the fridge was empty and all my bourbon gone
Ended up sitting at the bar waiting till my brother got home and asked where is my grog and he said ask your mate, he broke into it, to which I replied, well you were there and you should have said hey hang on that's not for you, get your own and you and your mates didn't have to help drink the whole lot as there was from memory about 1 or 2 slabs of beer and 1 just opened and 1 unopened bottle of bourbon.
Worse part was he was on the dole and I knew he couldn't cover it, so I lost my temper and threw one of the empty bourbon bottles at him. Something must have sunk in that day, because he never took any more after that or allowed anyone else to unless I was there and had my permission.Cheers
DJ
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15th April 2012, 12:38 AM #56Senior Member
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Both myself and my missus are reformed smokers. I used to smoke in the shed, butts in a tin outside.
My shed is a bit slobby, not all of it is my fault, but I cannot handle people who butt out on my floor. They are told to pick it up. Sometimes this leads to arguments. I don't care, they start it with their disrespect.
The SIQ's developed major issues over my demand for them to take their butts outside. I had the same issue when their dog defecated on my shed floor repeatedly. I have sent them away, this time for good, and there are a huge amount of other serious issues which won't be mentioned here.
Perhaps I will never get the chance to leave a big steaming #### on their pillow, but then they would know how I felt about cigarette butts on my shed floor.
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15th April 2012, 01:08 AM #57Senior Member
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I can't handle this attitude of 'entitlement'. Just because it is there and you see it, it doesn't mean it is yours.
You shouldn't have to lock stuff away or hide it.
The bots I threw out of my life used to ram their Pentecostal church BS down my throat whenever they had the chance... I am not religious, but for @*# sake, try to practice what you preach.
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15th April 2012, 01:28 PM #58Senior Member
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I am very touchy to cigarette smoke and ash , it is an allergy of some kind and I get a splitting headache after a while and later a sinus attack . I don't let anyone smoke in my car , house or shed but they can smoke outside in the yard if they have to but I stay right away from it . My father smoked but my mother did not and he was never allowed to smoke in the house. I can still remember the offencive smell of cigarette smoke residue and ash on my father every time I got near him . I now know that it ruined our relationship as I hated getting close to my father and avoided him because it made me feel ill.
So if you smoke don't think that the effects on other people stop when you put that smoke out , they don't. You may not be able to smell it yourself but the stench hangs around you all the time and non smokers can smell it big time .The volume of a pizza of thickness 'a' and radius 'z' is given by pi z z a.
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15th April 2012, 01:32 PM #59
All very true Retro. I am a smoker, and even make sure that the smoke doesn't bother my cats. I only ever smoke outside (except in the Barn), even in winter which is pretty cold up here, because I don't like the smell in the carpets etc. What really ticks me off is smokers who aren't aware of the breeze direction, and allow their unfiltered smoke to waft towards all and sundry. It's not at all hard to ensure they don't cop it.
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