Read the doggone instructions

**ScrollZilla** · 26th March 2007, 11:36 PM

After seeing all the wonderful pens y'all make here, I got seriously motivated to turn some myself. So, Friday evening after I got home from work, I set out on a mission. First, which pen kits did I have handy. As fortune would have it, I had 3 Cigar kits available. Now I had to find the "perfect" blanks. I dug and searched and dug some more and found a beautiful sparkled green cobra skin set, a natural spotted wolf fish set, and a set of metal blanks.
As I am fully aware of Murphy's law, I checked with the Mrs and make sure I was cleared for uninterrupted shop time, no honey-dos pending, cell phone turned off, I was ready to go. So with blanks in hand, off I go. Sharpened my chisels, found the bushings (first try), and got seriously organized. Checked the positioning/order of my bushings, thought carefully about which blank goes on which bushing.
At this point, I thought about it and remember reading the instructions about six months ago....long bushing on the left, long blank on the left. Got it! Good to go. So, I set out in my attempt for the perfect blanks. Turned each one with extra care to near perfect flushness with the bushings. Then came the sanding. Started with 100, 220, 400, 800, 1000, the full micro-mesh series, then plastic polish. I was happy....the perfect set.
I then began the second set of blanks and was so excited the way they turned out, I finished the third set. By now it is pushing 2:00 am and had to get up early to help out my parents with their craft show.
I spent the better part of Saturday in anticipation of assembling my beautiful pen blanks that I had worked so hard on. When I finally got home, I rushed to my work bench, carefully laid out the pen kit and starting with the top blank, pressed the fittings on....looking good so far. Grabbed the bottom part, pressed the nib on....looking good...I am really anxious now to show my loving wife the fruit of my labor. I then pressed on the center piece and thought that looked a bit odd. Oh well, let me put the ink tube in and put these two pieces together.
It was at that point I discovered that something was amiss. Not only did the two blanks not match up properly, the ink tube stuck out about 1/4 inch. Like a typical male, I fiddled with the twist mechanism for a couple of minutes, then disassembled the pen and re-assembled it with the same miserable results.
It was about then that my wife with her keenly attuned spousal senses had made note of the loud noises, slight vulgarities, and flying parts came over and asked me what was wrong. I showed her. "Did you read the instructions?" she asked. I am a man-animal I thought. I can hunt my dinner, I can take simple wood and turn it into a work of art. I have power tools! I don't need no stinkin instructions. Then reality set in and I knew I had better read the instructions. There it was in black and white.. Long bushings on the left.... SHORT blank on the left. OOOOPS!
I love my wife. 17 years years of complete marital bliss. No ugly sarcastic comments, not even a giggle. She just gave me that certain smile that says "I love you even when you are stupid" and walked away.

Next time, no matter how many times I have turned a specific pen, I will READ THE INSTRUCTIONS FIRST!!!!!!!!!!

Rick

**DJ’s Timber** · 26th March 2007, 11:41 PM

What a bummer heh

**Froggie40** · 26th March 2007, 11:55 PM

Well now Scroll that was a little silly, I have made hundreds of pens and I always check the destructions before I start because I never know what day I am going to have my head firmly inserted in my butt causing me to screw up. Unless it is the basic Slimline or Streamline I always have my instructions out just to be sure.

Froggie

**Skew ChiDAMN!!** · 27th March 2007, 02:55 AM

Instructions? I am a man-animal! I can hunt my dinner, I can take simple wood and turn it into a work of art. I have power tools! I don't need no stinkin instructions.

And having enough spare blanks that I can hide my mistakes in a dark corner when I stuff up certainly helps a lot...

**ciscokid** · 27th March 2007, 09:59 AM

I feel for ya. If you could see my workbench, you would know you are not alone.

**PenTurner** · 27th March 2007, 12:55 PM

Rick, even when i read the instructions they sometimes go wrong! I am trying to make my first Churchhill, the bottom part is beaut the top part, well!, there goes another blown out blank!

your misery has encouraged other "Superman" Wood Turners, Amos

**manoftalent** · 27th March 2007, 01:53 PM

Scroll, my wife must know your wife .....I get the same look sometimes.......

**Frank&Earnest** · 27th March 2007, 03:54 PM

For all my life I have read and written @#$%ing instructions! I have the right to make @#$%ing mistakes! Improvise! Live dangerously! Chaaarge!says the retired auditor wielding a sharp chisel

**tashammer** · 28th March 2007, 02:49 PM

there, there F&E, here, have a nice cup of tea and a lamington. You will feel better then. There's a good lad.

**rodent** · 3rd April 2007, 02:18 AM

I photo copy my instructions laminate them put them in a folder put it in a safe place, so when I go to pick it up I can't find it

or I dont size up the bushings and its all ???? about . don't forget murphy was an optamist an that was on a good day .

**old dog** · 3rd April 2007, 07:25 AM

Oh ????!! Thats a classic ????-about-face.Good old Murphy's Law ain't it a bitch
once hurts" three times" now that's a real killer. It must of really hurt too tell the cheese and kisses (missis)
I only ever do one pen at a time' that way if l am having a bad day l can only bugger it up once.
Your are very brave.l would off kept this one a secret.

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