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.......... Bordello "Ping-Pong". Which is an ancient oriental art that dates back as far as ........

....... Woodies bordelo where they were practicing the fine art of erotic 'ping-pong' with each other. Naturally they were in training for the World Bordelo Ping-Pong Championships to be held in...

.... did bugger all for Dazza's poor back which has seen him laid out flatter than a pancake for almost two long weeks. But alas, the derailment of this supreme being of the wood world (Dazza), was...

..... fully automated, all chrome, tripple shift, ball bearing assisted, hydrostatic, eluminated dip stik knobs with turbo charged blow-off valves. Where after they ........

..... GREAT CAESARS GHOST! The materials became a re-birthed, true to life carving of the very same two buxom lassies who were not only anotomically correct but.....

..... "My bonney lies over the ocean, my bonney lies over the sea, my daddy lay over my mummy and that's how I came to be. Oh bring back, bring back, oh bring back my mummy to me, to me .........

... sending the two lassies to Hong Kong and dye a from a Herion overdose while being pounded on a Hong Kong materess all night long. But I digress, for more recently our "Floating Gin Palace" had...

... incarcerated for the remainder of this story, never to heard from again. Meanwhile back on the new improved inverted "floating Gin Palace", the stakes were high as a new member of the...

.... a variety of high-rollers brough forth into the Ark two-by-two of which included his ......

.... G.O.D (Girls On Dykes inc) building an ark. It was to a grant ark too, measuring 20 cubits by 40 cubits, with three decks a gaming loundge and three swimming pools! Trouble was, nobody knew...

... drown liitle babies in stagnent water and force bits a make believe bread and watered down plonk down the throats of unsuspecting church going public. Yuk, fancy being told your eating a dead...

....... death as an angle of the woodies world appeared. That's why the story ended here, because there ain't no more dribble to tell.

----------------------------THE END ...

.... teeth. Whereby, he promptly swung his now infamous tool in all directions killing off any remaining character to this story. Realising what had happened, our feindish blood thirsty assailant...

... the orifaces. Thereby making a solid tenion joint for the table they were making of fine Australian Cedar with a centre feature carving of a ........

.... Carba-Tec, as the most expensive and over rated wood chuck vendor. So our fellow wood chucking Woodchucks went to .....

( stiff bickies Macca! )

... wood on his wood chuck, because everyone knows that a Woodchuck ......

... with the depth of wisdom like American Walnut, yet the hardness of virtues like Western Australian Jarra with just a hint of sweetnes like Rose Mahogany, will step forth into this world to...

... sniff some more mixture of Organ Oil and thinners. But alass, this was not to be for time waits for no wood-chuck, as nobody realy knows how much wood a wood-chuck can chuck, even if a...

.... saw dust and shavings. (I'm trying to bring it back to woodwork stuff here ) It's much better than hay or staw as the little storks of straw don't get stuck up their ........

..... white pointers. Of course our babes of the Woodies are from the "smart state" and apply a liberal coat of +33 ...........

..... FXST.......I think you are out of character here. What to try again?

..... were just little splinters. Oh, the times we had causing havoc and kaos with our pet blue heeler dog gettin' in front of flamin' big Thermodyne Mack trucks and sniffin' the back ends of...

...... let you turn a nice piece of Mulga burl to make a unique platter or even a vase.

......... collect all 52 pieces of the now destroyed project. Needless to say ..........

...... which brings us to a much asked question. Should I use "U-Beaut" Shellawax after using EEE or is Carnauba Wax far better?

........ I can anointe you both with "U-beaut EEE" buffing my fresh carving of all four.......... I mean two of your fine forms with a soft cloth. After this I can present both of you .......

What the.......

You win!!!! That is definately "overloaded".

......... be skillfully carved by me", said the Phantom Carver. "For I not only have the skills and expertise to carve both of you buxom lassies in just one sitting, but I can also do it .........."

....... spat, yelled, gear jammed and quarrelled with the blue healer. This was, to the pair of bodacious babes, at the least a timely distraction from the self-indulgence and gratification of....

......... hit the air starter. The engine of his Thermodyne (Mack Truck) roared into life whereupon he jamed the monster into gear and she (the truck) moved on rubber feet. But alass he a bloody...

........ realised that more than a mouthful is realy a waste so .......

Pardon my ignorance but what the hey is an SWMBO? :rolleyes:

I gather it's means "she who should be obeyed" or in my house "Herself":(

Thanks for the replies Woodies! Your feedback is...

:D Hi Alex,

Yep! Gold plated nails. The natural tanic acids in timber tarnish and in due time chemicaly modify lesser grade metals. That's why average steel/iron nails turn black in normal...

:D Hi Grob,

The difference being:
(a) a screw bolt aka "coachscrew" has a screw threaded shank with a hex bolt head which is tightened by a spanner or socket. Use for securing wood or metal...

:D Thank you one and all, for now my qestion has been answered.

May all your turnings be sucessful.:p

Greetings and Salutations Woodies,

Can anyone answer a querry for me.

I opened my account in 'Woodwork Forums" and I appear to be listed as a 'junior member'. I am way over the age limit of...

:D Greetings,

My First Pic in the gallery, what do you think?

I hope this picture quality isn't lost in the translation.

My "Water Pod" is crafted from plantation hardwood that I laminated,...

:D Greetings Woodies,
This pic is why I drive a 543 cc (half litre) Mighty Boy Ute! You can fit more than this on it!

My fellow Woodies at Queenslands' Bayside Woodturners and Woodcrafters...