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Type: Posts; User: KBs PensNmore
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11th May 2024, 11:30 PM
Thread: PM 'Abo' Albo helps Aborigines
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
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PM 'Abo' Albo helps Aborigines
PM Albanese, with entourage, visits a remote Northern Territory Aboriginal reservation. With news crews following him around as they tour the place, the Prime Minister asks the chief if there is...
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11th May 2024, 11:12 PM
Thread: You have to love a good nurse...
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
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- 170
You have to love a good nurse...
A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well; however, the policeman kept feeling something pulling at his pubic hairs.
... -
1st April 2024, 01:10 PM
Thread: Breaking News
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
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- 1,007
Breaking News
536928
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19th March 2024, 10:29 PM
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How banjo would communicate in 2024!
Mal Garrett, former Head of English at Brisbane State High. He has also recently published a book of poetry.
HOW BANJO WOULD COMMUNICATE IN 2024!
I had written him a text
Which I'd... -
5th March 2024, 05:41 PM
Thread: Australian Visa Requirements
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
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- 620
Australian Visa Requirements
London bloke fronts up to Australia House in London, to get a visa to visit his family over here in Australia.
Bloke behind the counter asks "Do you have a criminal record?"
Pommy bloke... -
28th February 2024, 01:29 PM
Thread: A Man In The Bush
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
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- 684
Use the long one, a lot less effort required, for...
Use the long one, a lot less effort required, for the same results.:D
Kryn -
28th February 2024, 01:22 PM
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Great Response Awards: Old but Good !
These awards will bring a smile to your face.
NUMBER 1:
If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defence... -
23rd February 2024, 10:19 PM
Thread: Grandfather of the year
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
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- 574
Grandfather of the year
A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved grandson.
He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, and all sorts of things.
The grandfather... -
8th February 2024, 09:15 PM
Thread: Men jokes by Women
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
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- 463
Men jokes by Women
One day my housework-challenged Husband decided to wash his
Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted
to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It... -
18th January 2024, 10:03 PM
Thread: Blonde Joke
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
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- 586
Blonde Joke
Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Sydney Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all want to be cops,...
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16th January 2024, 02:14 PM
Thread: Quickies
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
- 4
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- 771
A lady who used to do my bookwork, said that she...
A lady who used to do my bookwork, said that she called her husband Victa.
I asked her why, she replied 2 stokes and it was over. -
16th January 2024, 02:09 PM
Thread: My Daughter
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
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- 505
My Daughter
A man was telling his mate over coffee, "You won't believe what happened last night. My daughter walked into the living room and said, "Dad, do not pay off my college tuition loan, cancel my...
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16th January 2024, 12:48 AM
Thread: Contest
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
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- 522
Contest
Snow White, Superman and Pinocchio are out for a walk,
Soon they come across a sign that says, Contest for the Worlds most Beautiful Woman.
"I'm going to enter say Snow White, half an hour... -
14th January 2024, 02:32 PM
Thread: Snowman
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
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- 562
Snowman
8:00 am: I made a snowman.
8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.
8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.
8:17 - My feminist neighbour complained about the... -
14th January 2024, 02:08 PM
Thread: Quickies
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
- 4
- Views
- 771
Quickies
Low Battery: A man saved his girlfriend's phone number on his mobile as 'Low Battery'. Whenever she calls him, in his absence, his wife takes the phone and plugs it into the charger. Give that man...
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13th January 2024, 04:27 PM
Thread: Adoption
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
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Adoption
A husband and wife, who work for a circus went to an agency to adopt a child, but social workers raised doubt about their suitability:
So the couple produced photos of their motorhome, which was... -
13th January 2024, 04:24 PM
Thread: Boss called ...
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
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- 526
Boss called ...
My boss phoned me today.
He said, "Is everything okay at the office?
I said, "Yes, it's all under control. It's been a very busy day, I haven't stopped."
"Can you do me a favour?" he... -
13th January 2024, 01:36 PM
Thread: Politician visits a primary school
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
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- 470
Politician visits a primary school
A politician visits a primary school to speak to the children…
During class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a ‘tragedy’.
Kevin raises his hand first and offers, “If... -
13th January 2024, 01:08 PM
Thread: Sick Husband
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
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- 479
Sick Husband
A farmer is not feeling well, so his wife takes him to the doctor’s office… After the doctor examines him, the doctor calls the farmer’s wife in to talk to her alone.
She asks, “Is my husband... -
13th January 2024, 12:58 PM
Thread: Scotch with two drops of water
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
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- 477
Scotch with two drops of water
An old woman walks up to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water…
As the bartender gives her the drink she says, “I’m on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday... -
3rd January 2024, 12:59 AM
Thread: Peace and Quiet
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
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- 700
Peace and Quiet
While SWMBO was cooking dinner, I got asked for peace and quiet,
so I took down the smoke detector.
I should be out of hospital in a couple of months,
Doctor says there shouldn't be too much... -
22nd December 2023, 09:39 PM
Thread: A couple of Knock Knock jokes
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
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- 648
A couple of Knock Knock jokes
Knock knock,
Who's there?
Wanna tish.
Wanna tish who?
No thanks, I don't need to blow my nose.
Knock knock,
Who's there?
I need a.
I need a who? -
22nd December 2023, 01:26 AM
Thread: Inteligence?
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
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- 708
Did yours walk around with their knuckles...
Did yours walk around with their knuckles dragging on the ground?? I call them Neanderthals,
Q, Why do you see a lot of people walking around with head phones on????
A, It's connected to their... -
20th December 2023, 08:59 PM
Thread: Inteligence?
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
- 3
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- 708
Inteligence?
533620
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3rd December 2023, 01:31 PM
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MEDICAL EXAMS ... actual physician experiences.
1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .'My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. ...
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3rd December 2023, 01:08 PM
Thread: Ponderances
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
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- 457
Ponderances
•Still trying to get my head around the fact that ‘Take Out’ can mean food, dating, or murder.
•Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers. If you do find one,... -
24th November 2023, 07:20 PM
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Ahhhhh The Wisdom of the Ages........
Ahhhhh The Wisdom of the Ages........
A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.
... -
21st November 2023, 10:37 PM
Thread: Your Yearly Dementia Test
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
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Your Yearly Dementia Test
Your Yearly Dementia Test! (only 4 questions this year)
This one has some different questions than last year.
Yep, it's that time of year again for us to take our annual senior citizen... -
19th November 2023, 12:22 PM
Thread: Lexophile
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
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- 573
I know similar was submitted about 6 years ago,...
I know similar was submitted about 6 years ago, but there are some new ones in there.
Kryn -
19th November 2023, 12:18 PM
Thread: Lexophile
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
- 1
- Views
- 573
Lexophile
Although not in the dictionary, it is reported that "Lexophile" describes a person who loves sentences such as, "You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish," and, "To write with a broken pencil is...
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12th November 2023, 12:45 AM
Thread: Irish?
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
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- 603
Irish?
Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub, watching the Tour de France on TV.
Seamus shook his head and asked, "Whoi do they do that ?"
"Do what ?" asked Mick.
"Go on them boikes for moiles... -
9th November 2023, 11:01 PM
Thread: Duck Shooting
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
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Duck Shooting
An old farmer went duck shooting one day in South Australia and bagged three ducks. He put them in the back of his utility and was about to drive home when he was confronted by an ornery game warden...
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8th November 2023, 09:56 AM
Thread: Prescription
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
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- 823
Prescription
A man come home from the Doctors Surgery,
The wife asks "How did it go?"
He replies with a grin, "I have to have Daily Sex!"
The wife asks, "What?"
He replies, "I have to have Daily Sex!"
The... -
5th November 2023, 08:57 PM
Thread: Mature Aged Couple
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
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- 957
Mature Aged Couple
A mature aged couple began courting, with a view to marriage.
After some time, she allowed him to stay overnight.
As they were preparing for bed, she started removing her hearing aids,
her... -
26th October 2023, 09:04 PM
Thread: Some profound political thoughts
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
- 5
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- 899
What do you call 100 politicians at the bottom of...
What do you call 100 politicians at the bottom of the ocean????
A bloody good start.
How do you know when a politician is lying??
When he opens his mouth. -
25th October 2023, 10:26 PM
Thread: Gun Dog
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
- 0
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- 491
Gun Dog
An avid duck hunter decided to get a new gun dog, so he searches far and wide,
eventually getting himself the dog.
He takes it out duck hunting to see how the dog goes,
a flock of ducks fly... -
23rd October 2023, 09:01 PM
Thread: Ex Marine Sergeant Teacher
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
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- 373
Ex Marine Sergeant Teacher
A former Sergeant in the Marine Corps, took on a new job as a High School teacher.
Just before the School Year started, he injured his back. He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper... -
23rd October 2023, 08:36 PM
Thread: Some profound political thoughts
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
- 5
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- 899
Some profound political thoughts
If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
~Jay Leno~
The problem with political jokes is they get elected.
~Henry Cate, VII~
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the... -
17th October 2023, 01:28 AM
Thread: Life in the Australian Army...
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
- 0
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- 460
Life in the Australian Army...
Text of a letter from a kid from Eromanga to Mum and Dad. (For Those of you not in the know, Eromanga is a small semi-desert town, west of Quilpie in the far south west of Queensland )
... -
8th October 2023, 11:40 PM
Thread: Eternity
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
- 0
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- 538
Eternity
A man goes to a Rabbi, and says; "I have a strong desire to live forever. What can I do about that?"
"Get married" replies the Rabbi.
"And will I live forever?"
"No, but the desire will soon... -
1st October 2023, 02:00 AM
Thread: Porta loos
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
- 7
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- 1,566
Just make sure that the seat has no splintered...
Just make sure that the seat has no splintered edges and is WELL sanded, it could be painful otherwise. DAMHIKT:D
Kryn -
27th September 2023, 09:14 PM
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- 753
Where do these people hide when they're not on vacation?
Got this in an email and thought I'd share.
THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY "THOMAS COOK VACATIONS" FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS:
1. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to... -
24th September 2023, 10:32 PM
Thread: The Golfing Minister
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
- 1
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- 631
The Golfing Minister
A Minister who LOVES his golf, goes out practically every day to play a few rounds of Golf.
One Sunday Morning, he wakes up and it's a perfect day,
no breeze, wind or clouds, just a beautiful blue... -
16th September 2023, 09:08 PM
Thread: God and Adam
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
- 1
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- 678
God and Adam
God Said, "Adam, I Want you to do Something for Me."
Adam Said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You Want me to do?"
God said, "Go down Into that Valley."
Adam said, "What's a valley?"
God... -
16th September 2023, 12:46 AM
Thread: Marriage
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
- 0
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- 529
Marriage
Before Marriage
HE, Ah....At last. I can hardly wait.....
SHE, Do you want me to leave...?
HE, No...! Don't even think about it.
SHE, Do you love me....?
HE, Of... -
17th August 2023, 07:29 PM
Thread: God has a sense of humor
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
- 0
- Views
- 521
God has a sense of humor
A woman received a call that her daughter was sick.
She stopped by the pharmacy to get medication,
got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys inside.
The woman found an... -
17th August 2023, 07:19 PM
Thread: Magic Trick
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
- 2
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- 652
Magic Trick
A Kiwi and an Australian go to a pastry shop.
The Kiwi whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed.
The baker doesn’t notice.
The Kiwi says to the Australian: "You see how... -
14th August 2023, 07:24 PM
Thread: Hospital Bill
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
- 0
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- 521
Hospital Bill
A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.
The store clerks called an ambulance when they saw him collapse to the floor.
The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest... -
9th August 2023, 05:11 PM
Thread: Medical Advancements
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
- 4
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- 860
You're right H, we're still the lucky country,...
You're right H, we're still the lucky country, LUCKY we still OWN some of it:D
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9th August 2023, 05:09 PM
Thread: The Postman
by KBs PensNmore- Replies
- 0
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- 512
The Postman
A postman had been working all day in the pouring rain he was almost finished apart from one last letter he had to deliver,
he had to take it two miles down a small country road, by the time he...