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Type: Posts; User: KBs PensNmore

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    The parrot is dead

    At dawn the telephone rings.

    "Hello, Senor Bob? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."

    "Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"

    "Um, I am just...
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    Sticky: Copy paper

    Copy paper
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    In a similar vain, "Children have no respect for...

    In a similar vain, "Children have no respect for their parents!" Would you believe that this comment was made in the days of Julius Caesar
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    The Social Strata

    Cicero of the Roman Emperor wrote this about the situation during his lifetime :


    1. The poor, work & work.


    2. The rich, exploit the poor.


    3. The soldier, protects both.
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    Sticky: Uncle

    Uncle
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    Art collector

    A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called and asked to
    speak to his client.


    "Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."


    The art collector replied, "You...
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    The older I get, the better I was.

    Several days ago as I left a meeting at the football club, I couldn't find my car keys.


    They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the club revealed nothing.


    Suddenly I realized, I must...
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    Does anyone know how to tell the difference...

    Does anyone know how to tell the difference between Bull***t and Cow***t???
    Throw a shovel full into the air, if it comes down that'll be the cow***t,
    and if it stays up there that's bull***t:D...
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    I'm a BA too, Bull**** Artist that is:D

    I'm a BA too, Bull**** Artist that is:D
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    The world we live in.

    A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.


    So she went to check it out. She went to...
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    Sticky: Whisk

    Whisk
  12. The email jokes have been few and far between,...

    The email jokes have been few and far between, well the ones acceptable for here anyway.:rolleyes:
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    My Father once told me that marriage was like an...

    My Father once told me that marriage was like an Institution,
    who in there right mind want to spend their life in an institution????
  14. Why Irish Eyes Are Full Of Laughter..

    Paddy was driving down the street
    in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking...
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    Why marry?

    WHY MARRY - WITH APOLOGIES TO ALL THE GOOD MEN OUT THERE!

    At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
    'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?'
    'Yes, I am. I married...
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    Silly but still raises a smile

    An invisible man married an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

    I didn't think the chiropractor would improve my posture. But I stand corrected

    I took my new girlfriend...
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    How to outwit a Fairy

    A wish to live forever

    i met a magical fairy yesterday who said she would grant me one wish.


    “i wish to live forever,” i said.


    “sorry,” said the fairy, “i’m not allowed to grant that...
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    Sticky: Valentine

    Valentine
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    2 Aussies Adrift

    Two Aussies, Ferret & Knackers, were adrift in a life boat.


    While rummaging through the boat's provisions Ferret stumbled across an old
    lamp.

    He rubbed it vigorously, sure enough out...
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    Sticky: Delightful ANYTIME

    Delightful ANYTIME
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    Sticky: New Years Eve Party

    New Years Eve Party
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    Score one for the elderly!

    The rain is pouring down outside O'Connor's Pub, down Jervis Bay way. There standing in front of a big puddle outside the pub is an old man, drenched, holding a stick, with a piece of string dangling...
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    Sticky: Time warp

    Time warp
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    Sticky: Unbalanced Scales

    Unbalanced Scales
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    COVID 19, the only thing to come out of China and...

    COVID 19, the only thing to come out of China and last the longest.
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    Sticky: make ready

    make ready
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    Heavenly Transportation

    Once there were three men, Dave, John, and Sam, who were involved in a tragic car accident in which all three died.

    As they stood at the gates of heaven St. Peter came up to them and said,
    "You...
  28. Irish sausages ............... Racism?

    Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days..


    A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Irish sausages?"


    The assistant asks, "Are you Irish?"


    The guy,...
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    Cockpit Announcement

    Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced:
    "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to...
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    “The Bagpiper”

    Time is like a river. You cannot touch the water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again.
    Enjoy every moment of life.

    As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked...
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    Sticky: Runway

    Runway
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    The DONALD GOES TO THE VATICAN

    Donald took a quick trip to Rome to show his concern for the Pope:
    "I met with Pope Francis today. He's a really great pope — great, great pope.
    You know he's the leader of the Catholic Church —...
  33. Thread: Lockdown

    by KBs PensNmore
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    Jeez that's mean Tony. A bit like the wife was...

    Jeez that's mean Tony.
    A bit like the wife was singing in the house, so I'd sit on the front verandah, so the neighbours wouldn't think I was assaulting her.
    Got that bored this week at home, I...
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    None of them, never can get to 13 years with any...

    None of them, never can get to 13 years with any of them, cept the last one, 13 years and 3 months, on me Pat Malone now, and enjoying it.
    Don't really enjoy drowning worms. :D
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    Gone Fishing

    Saturday morning I got up early, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential down...
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    My comment was from experience, as my parents and...

    My comment was from experience, as my parents and I came from Holland, back in '53. Mum could never get the pronunciation of certain words, a Jumper for example was a yumper, as there is no "Y" and...
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    The English language is one of the hardest to...

    The English language is one of the hardest to learn, it's easier to learn Chinese apparently.
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    Word Play

    BEAUTY PARLOR
    A place where women curl up and dye.
    CHICKENS
    The only animal you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
    COMMITTEE
    A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
    DUST
    Mud...
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    Sticky: Eating

    Eating
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    Has anyone ever noticed the serial number on...

    Has anyone ever noticed the serial number on them???
    NO, obviously you haven't rolled them on far enough.:D
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    Sticky: Peg leg

    Peg leg
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    $50 is $50.

    George and Myrtle are at the local country show. Also at the show is Helicopter joy rides for $50. George says to Myrtle, "You know I've always wanted to go up in one of those Heliocopter things."...
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    Sticky: Model

    Model
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    Pregnant Blonde

    The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy!


    I didn't know why she was jumping for joy. I thought, what the heck, and I starting...
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    Why the strange clothes

    A young Arab boy asks his father, “What is that strange hat you are wearing?"


    The father said, "Why, my son, it is a 'chechia.' In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the...
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    Young Harry

    A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her more precocious students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what exactly is your problem?'


    Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the...
  47. Using a pistol against a 12' Alligator

    A Florida Woman Stops Alligator Attack Using a Small .22 cal Beretta Pistol.

    This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce...
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    How long after the bathroom renovation did you...

    How long after the bathroom renovation did you start noticing the smell?? What does it smell like???
    If we knew what it smelt like, it would be possible to give a more definitive answer.
    I know...
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    Sticky: Work Clothes

    Work Clothes
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    Poll: I got told Yesterday, I think it was, that the...

    I got told Yesterday, I think it was, that the app has been automatically put on your phone.
    If you got to settings, then under health I think it was, the app is there. Can confirm the details on...
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