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Two blokes walk into a Bar,
You'd have thought one of them would have seen it!!!!!!

I don't touch the stuff, myself. The only thing I know about beer, is that Draught beer is the only one that shows the manufacturer on the label.

I went fishing this morning, but it wasn't long before I ran out of bait.
Then I saw a snake with a frog in its mouth. Frogs are good Bass bait.
Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with a frog in...

Butt Face

This is a story about a newlywed couple who had only been married for two weeks.

The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies .
...

I refuse to hand over my cards, when you punch in your pin number, do you see them disinfect the keypad afterwards???????
I've seen them spray the conveyor belt, and everything else but!!!!!

Scientists discovered that the world is made up of Electrons and Neutrons, but they left out the worst one of all, MORONS

COVID MIGHT BE DEADLY AND VERY SERIOUS BUT CAN'T HELP THINK IT WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS.
Don't take life too seriously 😒and things always work out


AT GROCERY STORE:
Me: Why is there plastic...

That is a BEAUTIFUL paint job, something an Auto Refinisher would be proud of.:2tsup:
Kryn

Sorry Rich, that's a different joke. If you don't know it, ask and I'll try to remember how it goes.
Kryn

At last, confirmation of Murphy's Law with a wonderful Irish explanation.


Murphy drops some buttered toast on the kitchen floor and it lands butter-side-up.


He looks down in astonishment,...

Battery

I'm in.

Please do not Google or check this with Snopes. They will lie to you. Trust me!:D

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young...

A new camp Commander was appointed and while inspecting the place,
he saw 2 soldiers guarding a bench.
He went over there and asked why do they guard it.
"We don't know, the last Commander told us...

Charley, a new retiree-greeter at K Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on
time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and...

I knew a bloke who used to hire out his wife's knickers, as a MARQUEE

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the 'Chicken Surprise'.

The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the...

Nice work.:2tsup: Can't help you with any patterns, but it shouldn't be too hard to adapt one of your 4 legged creations to suit the cat or dog?
I think it was your Triceratops that has the 4 legs,...

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work.


One night as they were driving to yet another...

A soldier serving overseas was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote, breaking off their
engagement.

She added insult to injury by asking for her photo back.

He collected from his friend all...

Ex Brother In Law

While stitching up a cut on the hand of a 76 year old farmer, who's hand got caught in a cattle crush, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.

Eventually the conversation came around...

Polycephaly

Do you know how hard it is to find a joke, that can be placed here, without getting banned???

Lemon


The local bar is so sure that its bar tender is the strongest man around
that they offer a standing $1,000 bet. The bar tender squeezes a lemon until
all the juice runs into a glass, and...

484858

Mike was a single guy, living at home with his father and working in the family business. He knew that he would inherit a fortune once his sickly father died.


Mike wanted two things:
• to learn...

Hawk

Sorry, thought it was in reference for your first venture.
About the only thing I can suggest, is that you make sure it can't be improved on, and that if you decide to produce it, that it sells for...

My second wife used to complain when I went out for a drink with the boys. Eventually I invited her along, I asked what she'd like and said "I'll have the same as you". So I ordered 2 Bundy and Coke,...

My first wife and I had a 40/60 relationship, I'd earn 40 and she'd spend 60:?
Her nickname was "Hermitt" Her mitt was always in my wallet.
I can't remember which famous comedian said, that...

Hi Chris, as others have mentioned getting a patent on something is expensive. I know of someone who had a friend, had one of Australia's top patent attorney, write up his patent. He had massive...

My father once told me marriage was like an institution.
Who in their right mind want to live the rest of their life in an institution????:D

This was written by a Black gentleman in Texas and is so funny.
What a great sense of humour... and so creative!!!


When U is Black, U is Black!
When I was born, I was Black
When I grew up, I...

She wanted to serve her guests mushroom-smothered steak, but she had no mushrooms and no time to buy them.


Her husband suggested, "Why don't you go pick some of the mushrooms that are growing...

Gelding

Southern Cross Aircraft

I think they're called a womb with a view.

That's not a very big shed, but it is tall:D. That existing shed looks ideal for a CNC machine.
Glad to hear that you're getting a decent size shed to work out of.:2tsup:
Kryn

Six year old Annie returns home from school and says that she had her first Family Planning Lesson at school.
Her mother very interested said "OH..... How did it go?"
"I nearly died of shame!" She...

Dr. Anthony Fauci, Director of the U.S National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, told Joe Biden "This morning, three Brazilian people died from COVID-19.”


Biden’s face turned white...

A man died and went to Heaven.


As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, 'What are all those clocks?'


St. Peter answered, “Those are...

Absurdity

Liars

AHH yes but can they get a job with all that knowledge??? I'd rather be a dumbass and get a job, than have all sorts of letters after my name and not get a job.

Kryn

Jim was listening to the radio this morning when the
host invited callers to reveal the nicknames they had for their wives.


The best call was from a brave chap who called his wife,


...

Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time & decided that in spite of their two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space...





Dr....

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world.

So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando, thinking that he would start by working his way across the USA...

Lee Enfield