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Type: Posts; User: KBs PensNmore

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  1. Thread: Pun

    by KBs PensNmore
    Replies
    22
    Views
    763

    Thanks EVERYONE, the puns made me smile which I...

    Thanks EVERYONE, the puns made me smile which I needed:2tsup:
    Kryn
  2. Thread: Pun

    by KBs PensNmore
    Replies
    22
    Views
    763

    Pun

    I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork.
    I think I nailed it, but nobody saw it.
  3. Irish Tale.......As only the Irish can tell a story!

    Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday.
    On that...
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    Just like to say a THANK YOU to Neil DJ and all...

    Just like to say a THANK YOU to Neil DJ and all the other Mods for the tremendous work that you do.
    Kryn
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    317

    Taxi Driver

    A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York City and laid on the back seat.

    The cab driver, an old gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman.
    He made...
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    Women at a Seminar

    A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving Relationship with their husbands.

    The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?" All the women raised their hands.
    ...
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    Walking down the aisle.

    I'll never forget how happy I was when I saw my missus walking down the aisle towards me.

    My heart was beating fast and the excitement was unbearable.

    It seemed to take an age, but eventually,...
  8. Replies
    4
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    376

    Which Airline

    A man is sitting alone in an airport lounge.


    A beautiful woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him. He is assuming that because she wears a uniform, she's probably an off-duty flight...
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    The Irish vs. The French

    The French President is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.


    ‘Hallo, Mr Macron !' A heavily accented voice said. 'This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am...
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    289

    The Old Man and a Frog

    A guy is 72 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.' He looked around and couldn't see anyone.


    He thought he was dreaming...
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    409

    Little Johnny and ScoMo

    Scott Morrison was visiting a Sydney primary school and the class was in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.

    The teacher asked Mr Morrison if he would like to lead the...
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    The Old Pastor

    An old pastor lay dying. He sent a message for his lawyer and Accountant to come to the hospital.


    When they arrived, they were ushered up to his room. As they entered the room, the pastor held...
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    723

    The GROANERS are back

    John Travolta tested negative for coronavirus last night. Turns out it was just Saturday night fever.

    The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs...
  14. Thread: Scones

    by KBs PensNmore
    Replies
    2
    Views
    336

    Scones

    Elderly Scot lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite scones wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and...
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    Enjoy Life Kid

    When I was about 9 years old, I accompanied my father to the funeral of a friend of his, someone who I didn't even know.


    When we got there, I stayed in a corner waiting for the time to pass.

    ...
  16. Thread: The Cat

    by KBs PensNmore
    Replies
    0
    Views
    398

    The Cat

    One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight.

    Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny, and hair all matted down.. We felt sorry for her so we put her in a...
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    421

    The Woman Marine Pilot

    The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

    The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their...
  18. Problems with International Time Differences

    One of the Russian Ambassadors went to President Putin and told him he'd like to resign.


    "Why?" Putin asked him.


    "Well, Mr. President, I can't take these time differences! I fly to...
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    460

    Pollies Never Lie

    A politician was visiting a remote little rural town in Australia and asked the locals what the government could do for them.


    "We have two big needs,” said the townspeople.

    “First, we have a...
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    Visit to the Rabbi

    At Friday night services, Morris went to his friend Irving and said, "Irving, I need a favour - I'm sleeping with the rabbi's wife. Can you hold him in the temple for an hour after services for me?"...
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    Someone put up this advertisement..

    Someone put up this advertisement...Late Model Mercedes-Benz for sale, $1.


    No one believed it could be true so initially, no one responded. But then, an old man was curious, so he went to see...
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    Coffee With The Pope...

    Nescafe manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican.

    After receiving the Papal blessing, the Nescafe official whispers, "Your Holiness, we have an offer for you. Nescafe is prepared...
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    961

    Covid Logic - Food for Thought

    Me at the Supermarket:

    Why is there plastic on the payment keypad?

    Cashier: to protect people from Covid.

    Me: but isn’t everyone touching the plastic keypad the same way they would the...
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    392

    A Short One

    Two Mafia hit men are walking deep into a forest in the middle of the night.




    One of them says, "I gotta admit I'm scared out here."
  25. Replies
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    386

    Harrods Prices

    A lady walks into Harrods. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond Bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts.

    Very embarrassed,...
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    Gift from God

    The pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise.

    After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the pastor's family expanded; so would...
  27. Replies
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    703

    If you decide to go, try going during Whale...

    If you decide to go, try going during Whale season, I think it finishes in September, they can be seen from the head of the Bight, well worth the visit!!!! Can't remember if a cost is involved, as...
  28. Replies
    5
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    581

    Thanks for the LATE information Chris!!! One of...

    Thanks for the LATE information Chris!!! One of the blokes at work "borrowed" mine, and now the only way
    I can keep a drill bit tight, is to put the chuck into the vise and tighten it by twisting...
  29. Replies
    19
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    1,532

    Pine is in short supply EVERYWHERE, I needed 40...

    Pine is in short supply EVERYWHERE, I needed 40 lengths of 75X32 for a project, but can only get a 1/4 total of that from the now 3 suppliers in town. A couple of builders have basically stopped...
  30. Replies
    452
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    8,713

    Sticky: Taurus

    Taurus
  31. Replies
    12
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    992

    I ran over a fox once, NEVER AGAIN!!!! I'd rather...

    I ran over a fox once, NEVER AGAIN!!!! I'd rather run the car into a ditch!!!!
  32. Replies
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    445

    Dying Mother Superior

    In Ireland, the 99-year-old Mother Superior lay quietly. She was dying.

    The Nuns had gathered around her bed, laying garlands around her and trying to make her last journey comfortable.
    ...
  33. Replies
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    626

    When a little child walked in on Mum and Dad, he...

    When a little child walked in on Mum and Dad, he said "What you doing?", one of the parents replied, "Making you a baby brother or sister" The child replied, "Can you roll her over, I'd rather have a...
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    Never trust a cricketer

    Come all ye fair young maidens and harken unto me,
    Never trust a cricketer, whoever he may be.

    Dandier than a sailor who's been six months at sea,
    Never let a cricketer's hand an inch above your...
  35. Replies
    4
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    626

    Should children witness childbirth?

    Here's your answer.


    Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her...
  36. Replies
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    554

    Little old lady in court

    Defence Attorney: Will you please state your age?

    Old Lady: I am 94 years old.

    Defence Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

    Old Lady:...
  37. Replies
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    472

    Holy Day set by Florida Court

    In Florida , an atheist created a case against Easter and Passover Holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians and Jews and observances of their holy days. ...
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    435

    Guard Duty

    A young Sapper is on the gate at Buckingham palace.

    The RSM walks up to him and says "Right lad, the Queen is out on public duties I want to know the minute she gets back here, do you understand?...
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    Daytime Television

    A newspaper reporter was writing a feature story about prison life and was interviewing one of the prisoners. ‘Do you watch much television here?’


    “Only the daytime shows,” the inmate said. “At...
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    400

    The Guardian Angel

    A woman is walking on the road and a voice shouts out, "Don't take a step further."
    She obeys and suddenly a ton of bricks fall on the place where she would have otherwise been.
    She thinks she...
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    2 Senior Widows

    Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are talking.

    Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him...
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    The Sheer Nightgown

    A husband walks into 'Victoria's Secret' to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife.


    He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price… the more sheer, the higher the...
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    Birds and the Bees

    The teacher was telling the kids at a Banora Point school about the birds and bees and explained that when a man and a woman meet and fall in love, nine months later the stork usually brings them a...
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    17,123

    I've one here that needs assembly, IF you're...

    I've one here that needs assembly, IF you're looking for something to do?:D
    Kryn
  45. Replies
    452
    Views
    8,713

    Sticky: Macadamised

    Macadamised
  46. Replies
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    475

    Grandma's Picture

    A man at a nudist camp gets a letter from his mother requesting his photograph.
    Since the only photographs he had were taken in the nude, he cut one in half
    and mailed her the photo from the waist...
  47. I used to have a bloke who worked for me with a...

    I used to have a bloke who worked for me with a nickname of taillight, when asked why I gave him that nickname,
    my reply, cos you're not bright enough for a brake light!!!!!
  48. Replies
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    What is Celibacy?

    Celibacy can be a choice in life,
    Or a condition imposed by circumstances.

    While attending a Marriage Weekend,
    my wife and I, listened to the instructor declare,
    'It is essential that...
  49. Replies
    452
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    8,713

    Sticky: Status Quo

    Status Quo
  50. Replies
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    552

    Confessional

    A new priest, born and raised in Moe comes to serve in a city parish and
    is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit
    in on his sessions.


    The new priest hears a...
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