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Type: Posts; User: KBs PensNmore

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    Heavenly Transportation

    Once there were three men, Dave, John, and Sam, who were involved in a tragic car accident in which all three died.

    As they stood at the gates of heaven St. Peter came up to them and said,
    "You...
  2. Irish sausages ............... Racism?

    Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days..


    A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Irish sausages?"


    The assistant asks, "Are you Irish?"


    The guy,...
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    Cockpit Announcement

    Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced:
    "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to...
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    “The Bagpiper”

    Time is like a river. You cannot touch the water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again.
    Enjoy every moment of life.

    As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked...
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    Sticky: Runway

    Runway
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    The DONALD GOES TO THE VATICAN

    Donald took a quick trip to Rome to show his concern for the Pope:
    "I met with Pope Francis today. He's a really great pope — great, great pope.
    You know he's the leader of the Catholic Church —...
  7. Thread: Lockdown

    by KBs PensNmore
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    Jeez that's mean Tony. A bit like the wife was...

    Jeez that's mean Tony.
    A bit like the wife was singing in the house, so I'd sit on the front verandah, so the neighbours wouldn't think I was assaulting her.
    Got that bored this week at home, I...
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    None of them, never can get to 13 years with any...

    None of them, never can get to 13 years with any of them, cept the last one, 13 years and 3 months, on me Pat Malone now, and enjoying it.
    Don't really enjoy drowning worms. :D
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    Gone Fishing

    Saturday morning I got up early, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential down...
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    My comment was from experience, as my parents and...

    My comment was from experience, as my parents and I came from Holland, back in '53. Mum could never get the pronunciation of certain words, a Jumper for example was a yumper, as there is no "Y" and...
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    The English language is one of the hardest to...

    The English language is one of the hardest to learn, it's easier to learn Chinese apparently.
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    Word Play

    BEAUTY PARLOR
    A place where women curl up and dye.
    CHICKENS
    The only animal you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
    COMMITTEE
    A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
    DUST
    Mud...
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    Sticky: Eating

    Eating
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    Has anyone ever noticed the serial number on...

    Has anyone ever noticed the serial number on them???
    NO, obviously you haven't rolled them on far enough.:D
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    Sticky: Peg leg

    Peg leg
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    $50 is $50.

    George and Myrtle are at the local country show. Also at the show is Helicopter joy rides for $50. George says to Myrtle, "You know I've always wanted to go up in one of those Heliocopter things."...
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    Sticky: Model

    Model
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    Pregnant Blonde

    The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy!


    I didn't know why she was jumping for joy. I thought, what the heck, and I starting...
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    Why the strange clothes

    A young Arab boy asks his father, “What is that strange hat you are wearing?"


    The father said, "Why, my son, it is a 'chechia.' In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the...
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    Young Harry

    A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her more precocious students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what exactly is your problem?'


    Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the...
  21. Using a pistol against a 12' Alligator

    A Florida Woman Stops Alligator Attack Using a Small .22 cal Beretta Pistol.

    This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce...
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    How long after the bathroom renovation did you...

    How long after the bathroom renovation did you start noticing the smell?? What does it smell like???
    If we knew what it smelt like, it would be possible to give a more definitive answer.
    I know...
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    Sticky: Work Clothes

    Work Clothes
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    Poll: I got told Yesterday, I think it was, that the...

    I got told Yesterday, I think it was, that the app has been automatically put on your phone.
    If you got to settings, then under health I think it was, the app is there. Can confirm the details on...
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    Sticky: Golden Syrup

    Golden Syrup
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    Drunk Driving Arrest

    I think, I'm going to lose my drivers license and all just because of a stupid police officer...The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car:
    Officer: "License and...
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    Sticky: Gnomes

    Gnomes
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    Told ya they was GROANERS

    Told ya they was GROANERS
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    A few GROANERS

    I lived in a houseboat for a while, and started seeing the girl next door.
    Eventually we drifted apart.


    My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic.
    I refused. If I'm...
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    Daughter to Father

    Daughter to Father: "Dad there something my boyfriend said that I didn't understand.
    He said that I have a beautiful chassis, lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper."

    Father's Response: "Tell...
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    Sticky: Evita

    Evita
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    Yep, the jokes have been few and far between,...

    Yep, the jokes have been few and far between, even emailed ones, well, the ones that can be placed here anyway.
    Kryn
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    VICTORIA What height are the letter and number punches...

    What height are the letter and number punches please.
    Kryn
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    Another virus Yellow 24

    Fred, feeling terrible, goes to the doctor.
    The doctor checks him over and says, “ Sorry Fred, I have some really bad news. You have Yellow 24, a really nasty virus. It's called Yellow 24...
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    Sticky: Dodger

    Dodger
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    Sticky: Standby

    Standby
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    Friends at 80

    A Group of guys, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch.


    Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in
    Uxbridge because the waitresses had big b*****s and...
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    Sticky: Politician

    Politician
  39. Thread: Car park

    by KBs PensNmore
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    On a really quiet day, you can hear Falcons...

    On a really quiet day, you can hear Falcons rusting.
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    Rudeness vs Kindness

    Rudeness vs Kindness - when perspective and action come together!


    I was in the McDonald’s drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me honked at me; very upset because I was taking...
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    Grandmas Photo

    A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his grandmother
    asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location..


    Too embarrassed to let her know that he...
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    The Coffee Shop

    Life just gets better as you get older, doesn’t it?
    I was in a coffee shop recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realised that I desperately needed to fart. The place was packed but the...
  43. Thread: Car park

    by KBs PensNmore
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    Car park

    A lady was very impressed with her pup’s achievement at “puppy preschool” and decided to put it to the test during a visit at the local supermarket.
    After she parked the car, she wound down the...
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    Sticky: Ping

    Ping
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    Hi Graeme, Contact Helen Harris for Scroll Saw...

    Hi Graeme,
    Contact Helen Harris for Scroll Saw Blades and other Accessories ochjh@scrolling.com.au 0428 826 224. Helen Harris 08 8531 3440 ...
    Regards
    Kryn
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    Old is When............

    'OLD' IS WHEN...
    Your friends compliment you
    On your new alligator shoes
    And you're barefoot.


    'OLD' IS WHEN...
    A sexy babe catches your fancy
    And your pacemaker opens the garage door,
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    Sticky: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ sleep

    ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ sleep
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    My brother used to drink Scotch and Coke, he'd...

    My brother used to drink Scotch and Coke, he'd get crook, then he tried rum and Coke, he'd get crook, Port and Coke, again he'd get crook. He reckoned that the common thing amongst it all was the...
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    Scotch with two drops of water.

    A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, 'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.'...
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    More Blonde Jokes

    CAR TROUBLE
    A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
    After he works on it for a few minutes, it's idling smoothly.
    She says, “What's the story?”
    He replies,...
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