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A husband walks into 'Victoria's Secret' to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife.


He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price… the more sheer, the higher the...

The teacher was telling the kids at a Banora Point school about the birds and bees and explained that when a man and a woman meet and fall in love, nine months later the stork usually brings them a...

I've one here that needs assembly, IF you're looking for something to do?:D
Kryn

Macadamised

A man at a nudist camp gets a letter from his mother requesting his photograph.
Since the only photographs he had were taken in the nude, he cut one in half
and mailed her the photo from the waist...

I used to have a bloke who worked for me with a nickname of taillight, when asked why I gave him that nickname,
my reply, cos you're not bright enough for a brake light!!!!!

Celibacy can be a choice in life,
Or a condition imposed by circumstances.

While attending a Marriage Weekend,
my wife and I, listened to the instructor declare,
'It is essential that...

Status Quo

A new priest, born and raised in Moe comes to serve in a city parish and
is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit
in on his sessions.


The new priest hears a...

After an hour, the following conversation took place:

Max: You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I would paint every room...

Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married....

The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.'
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I...

1. Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.


2. What do you call a pig with laryngitis?


3. Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.


4. Why do bees stay in their hives during...

Fowl

An Irishman walks into a Pub and orders 2 pints of Guinness.
He then proceeds to pull a little green skinned man from his pocket and puts him on the counter.
An Englishman who's at the other end of...

A man doing market research for the 'Vaseline Company' knocked at a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet.

“I’m doing some research for...

Allan, is it possible to OFFEND you???:D
Kryn

While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a kangaroo, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.

Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the...

Let me get this straight?
I go to the Grocery Store to buy a kilo of sliced ham wrapped in plastic, a loaf of bread in a plastic bag, 4 litres of milk in a plastic container, a pack of napkins...

Rugby Tickets Lions V Springboks
2nd Test 31st July 2021 Cape Town
This may be of interest to you.
A friend of mine has two tickets in a Corporate Box for Lions V SA. He paid 300 pounds each, but...

I recently had to choose a new primary care doctor.


After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, she said I was doing fairly well for my age. (I am eighty).


A little concerned about that...

There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny!--

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to...

The other half has been onto me for months to redo the toilet seat, so I got out the urethane, mixed the hardener in with it and proceeded to paint it. I had to do a few errands when I finished, so...

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.

One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual...

Floor

Couldn't get a gig doing comedy stuff at night, so gotta work during the day, or starve:D
Kryn

Three sisters aged 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts her foot in and pauses.


She yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"...

Walking through San Francisco's Chinatown, a tourist was enjoying the artistry in front of all the Chinese restaurants, shops signs and banners. However, when he turned a corner he saw a building...

Old Joe had tripped on the footpath and blood was dripping on the ground.
A passer-by stopped and asked Joe if he was OK, and asked "where he was bleeding from".
Joe muttered "From Bendigo, if you...

My wife came in and asked me could I go and do some wood turning on the lathe.
"Ah" I asked, "What would you like, a dibber, rolling pin or possibly a vase?? I have Persimmon, Hickory, Mesquite, a...

Two blokes walk into a Bar,
You'd have thought one of them would have seen it!!!!!!

I don't touch the stuff, myself. The only thing I know about beer, is that Draught beer is the only one that shows the manufacturer on the label.

I went fishing this morning, but it wasn't long before I ran out of bait.
Then I saw a snake with a frog in its mouth. Frogs are good Bass bait.
Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with a frog in...

Butt Face

This is a story about a newlywed couple who had only been married for two weeks.

The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies .
...

I refuse to hand over my cards, when you punch in your pin number, do you see them disinfect the keypad afterwards???????
I've seen them spray the conveyor belt, and everything else but!!!!!

Scientists discovered that the world is made up of Electrons and Neutrons, but they left out the worst one of all, MORONS

COVID MIGHT BE DEADLY AND VERY SERIOUS BUT CAN'T HELP THINK IT WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS.
Don't take life too seriously 😒and things always work out


AT GROCERY STORE:
Me: Why is there plastic...

That is a BEAUTIFUL paint job, something an Auto Refinisher would be proud of.:2tsup:
Kryn

Sorry Rich, that's a different joke. If you don't know it, ask and I'll try to remember how it goes.
Kryn

At last, confirmation of Murphy's Law with a wonderful Irish explanation.


Murphy drops some buttered toast on the kitchen floor and it lands butter-side-up.


He looks down in astonishment,...

Battery

I'm in.

Please do not Google or check this with Snopes. They will lie to you. Trust me!:D

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young...

A new camp Commander was appointed and while inspecting the place,
he saw 2 soldiers guarding a bench.
He went over there and asked why do they guard it.
"We don't know, the last Commander told us...

Charley, a new retiree-greeter at K Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on
time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and...

I knew a bloke who used to hire out his wife's knickers, as a MARQUEE

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the 'Chicken Surprise'.

The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the...

Nice work.:2tsup: Can't help you with any patterns, but it shouldn't be too hard to adapt one of your 4 legged creations to suit the cat or dog?
I think it was your Triceratops that has the 4 legs,...

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work.


One night as they were driving to yet another...

A soldier serving overseas was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote, breaking off their
engagement.

She added insult to injury by asking for her photo back.

He collected from his friend all...