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Type: Posts; User: KBs PensNmore

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  1. Thread: Vaseline

    by KBs PensNmore
    Replies
    4
    Views
    319

    Vaseline

    A man doing market research for the 'Vaseline Company' knocked at a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet.

    Im doing some research for...
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    2
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    445

    Allan, is it possible to OFFEND you???:D Kryn

    Allan, is it possible to OFFEND you???:D
    Kryn
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    209

    In the Ditch

    While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a kangaroo, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.

    Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the...
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    6
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    310

    How True is This

    Let me get this straight?
    I go to the Grocery Store to buy a kilo of sliced ham wrapped in plastic, a loaf of bread in a plastic bag, 4 litres of milk in a plastic container, a pack of napkins...
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    200

    Anyone Interested

    Rugby Tickets Lions V Springboks
    2nd Test 31st July 2021 Cape Town
    This may be of interest to you.
    A friend of mine has two tickets in a Corporate Box for Lions V SA. He paid 300 pounds each, but...
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    1
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    278

    Will I see Ninety????

    I recently had to choose a new primary care doctor.


    After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, she said I was doing fairly well for my age. (I am eighty).


    A little concerned about that...
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    274

    Making a baby.

    There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny!--

    The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to...
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    268

    The Toilet Seat

    The other half has been onto me for months to redo the toilet seat, so I got out the urethane, mixed the hardener in with it and proceeded to paint it. I had to do a few errands when I finished, so...
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    2
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    445

    Post Office Workers

    There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.

    One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual...
  10. Replies
    1,495
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    37,437

    Sticky: Floor

    Floor
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    3
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    420

    Couldn't get a gig doing comedy stuff at night,...

    Couldn't get a gig doing comedy stuff at night, so gotta work during the day, or starve:D
    Kryn
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    279

    3 Sisters, 96,94.92

    Three sisters aged 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts her foot in and pauses.


    She yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"...
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    3
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    420

    Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry

    Walking through San Francisco's Chinatown, a tourist was enjoying the artistry in front of all the Chinese restaurants, shops signs and banners. However, when he turned a corner he saw a building...
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    2
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    336

    Joe from Bendigo.

    Old Joe had tripped on the footpath and blood was dripping on the ground.
    A passer-by stopped and asked Joe if he was OK, and asked "where he was bleeding from".
    Joe muttered "From Bendigo, if you...
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    1
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    303

    Go and do some wood turning.

    My wife came in and asked me could I go and do some wood turning on the lathe.
    "Ah" I asked, "What would you like, a dibber, rolling pin or possibly a vase?? I have Persimmon, Hickory, Mesquite, a...
  16. Thread: In a bar

    by KBs PensNmore
    Replies
    13
    Views
    935

    Two blokes walk into a Bar, You'd have thought...

    Two blokes walk into a Bar,
    You'd have thought one of them would have seen it!!!!!!
  17. Replies
    14
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    740

    I don't touch the stuff, myself. The only thing I...

    I don't touch the stuff, myself. The only thing I know about beer, is that Draught beer is the only one that shows the manufacturer on the label.
  18. Replies
    14
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    740

    Great Northern Fishing Trip

    I went fishing this morning, but it wasn't long before I ran out of bait.
    Then I saw a snake with a frog in its mouth. Frogs are good Bass bait.
    Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with a frog in...
  19. Replies
    1,495
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    Sticky: Butt Face

    Butt Face
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    328

    The Honeymoon's Over

    This is a story about a newlywed couple who had only been married for two weeks.

    The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies .
    ...
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    10
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    540

    I refuse to hand over my cards, when you punch in...

    I refuse to hand over my cards, when you punch in your pin number, do you see them disinfect the keypad afterwards???????
    I've seen them spray the conveyor belt, and everything else but!!!!!
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    10
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    540

    Scientists discovered that the world is made up...

    Scientists discovered that the world is made up of Electrons and Neutrons, but they left out the worst one of all, MORONS
  23. Replies
    10
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    540

    Logic?????

    COVID MIGHT BE DEADLY AND VERY SERIOUS BUT CAN'T HELP THINK IT WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS.
    Don't take life too seriously 😒and things always work out


    AT GROCERY STORE:
    Me: Why is there plastic...
  24. Replies
    59
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    8,166

    That is a BEAUTIFUL paint job, something an Auto...

    That is a BEAUTIFUL paint job, something an Auto Refinisher would be proud of.:2tsup:
    Kryn
  25. Replies
    8
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    717

    Sorry Rich, that's a different joke. If you don't...

    Sorry Rich, that's a different joke. If you don't know it, ask and I'll try to remember how it goes.
    Kryn
  26. Replies
    8
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    717

    Confirmation of Murphy's Law

    At last, confirmation of Murphy's Law with a wonderful Irish explanation.


    Murphy drops some buttered toast on the kitchen floor and it lands butter-side-up.


    He looks down in astonishment,...
  27. Replies
    1,495
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    37,437

    Sticky: Battery

    Battery
  28. Replies
    208
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    10,012

    DRAWN & CLAIMED I'm in.

    I'm in.
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    365

    How The Internet Started - HONESTLY

    Please do not Google or check this with Snopes. They will lie to you. Trust me!:D

    In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young...
  30. Replies
    4
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    531

    How Traditions are Created

    A new camp Commander was appointed and while inspecting the place,
    he saw 2 soldiers guarding a bench.
    He went over there and asked why do they guard it.
    "We don't know, the last Commander told us...
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    526

    K Mart Senior Greeter

    Charley, a new retiree-greeter at K Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on
    time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and...
  32. Replies
    3
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    524

    I knew a bloke who used to hire out his wife's...

    I knew a bloke who used to hire out his wife's knickers, as a MARQUEE
  33. Replies
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    357

    What's for Dinner

    A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the 'Chicken Surprise'.

    The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

    Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the...
  34. Replies
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    331

    Nice work.:2tsup: Can't help you with any...

    Nice work.:2tsup: Can't help you with any patterns, but it shouldn't be too hard to adapt one of your 4 legged creations to suit the cat or dog?
    I think it was your Triceratops that has the 4 legs,...
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    366

    Albert Einstein

    When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work.


    One night as they were driving to yet another...
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    414

    Getting Revenge

    A soldier serving overseas was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote, breaking off their
    engagement.

    She added insult to injury by asking for her photo back.

    He collected from his friend all...
  37. Replies
    1,495
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    37,437

    Sticky: Ex Brother In Law

    Ex Brother In Law
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    881

    Politicians

    While stitching up a cut on the hand of a 76 year old farmer, who's hand got caught in a cattle crush, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.

    Eventually the conversation came around...
  39. Replies
    1,495
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    37,437

    Sticky: Polycephaly

    Polycephaly
  40. Replies
    5
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    693

    Do you know how hard it is to find a joke, that...

    Do you know how hard it is to find a joke, that can be placed here, without getting banned???
  41. Thread: Lemon

    by KBs PensNmore
    Replies
    0
    Views
    567

    Lemon

    Lemon


    The local bar is so sure that its bar tender is the strongest man around
    that they offer a standing $1,000 bet. The bar tender squeezes a lemon until
    all the juice runs into a glass, and...
  42. Replies
    5
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    693

    Wooden Start

    484858
  43. Why women are much better at estate planning

    Mike was a single guy, living at home with his father and working in the family business. He knew that he would inherit a fortune once his sickly father died.


    Mike wanted two things:
    to learn...
  44. Replies
    1,495
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    37,437

    Sticky: Hawk

    Hawk
  45. Replies
    19
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    930

    Sorry, thought it was in reference for your first...

    Sorry, thought it was in reference for your first venture.
    About the only thing I can suggest, is that you make sure it can't be improved on, and that if you decide to produce it, that it sells for...
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    2
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    510

    My second wife used to complain when I went out...

    My second wife used to complain when I went out for a drink with the boys. Eventually I invited her along, I asked what she'd like and said "I'll have the same as you". So I ordered 2 Bundy and Coke,...
  47. Replies
    7
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    616

    My first wife and I had a 40/60 relationship, I'd...

    My first wife and I had a 40/60 relationship, I'd earn 40 and she'd spend 60:?
    Her nickname was "Hermitt" Her mitt was always in my wallet.
    I can't remember which famous comedian said, that...
  48. Replies
    19
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    930

    Hi Chris, as others have mentioned getting a...

    Hi Chris, as others have mentioned getting a patent on something is expensive. I know of someone who had a friend, had one of Australia's top patent attorney, write up his patent. He had massive...
  49. Replies
    7
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    616

    My father once told me marriage was like an...

    My father once told me marriage was like an institution.
    Who in their right mind want to live the rest of their life in an institution????:D
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    392

    Black and White Folks

    This was written by a Black gentleman in Texas and is so funny.
    What a great sense of humour... and so creative!!!


    When U is Black, U is Black!
    When I was born, I was Black
    When I grew up, I...
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