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  1. Thread: Cows

    by Allan at Wallan
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    27
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    1,690

    What would you call a cow with mixed feelings on...

    What would you call a cow with mixed feelings on it's gender?

    A cow boy.
  2. Too late, bets closed almost four years ago (lol).

    Too late, bets closed almost four years ago (lol).
  3. Replies
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    449

    A very warm welcome to you Tom. As you live in...

    A very warm welcome to you Tom. As you live in the Northern part of Melbourne you may consider visiting us
    at the Northern Woodturners Club in Browning St Kingsbury. We are located within a...
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    680

    Just to make amends ... a friend of mine was...

    Just to make amends ... a friend of mine was killed the other day when a train ran over his
    finger ... it just happened he was scratching his ear at the time.
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    I think that is the same greyhound that I saw in...

    I think that is the same greyhound that I saw in which his owner
    painted a picture of a bus on him.
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    680

    Whoops! Just reading other jokes and notice...

    Whoops! Just reading other jokes and notice Chief Tiff has used this in his response.
    My apologies mate … did not see yours until after I had posted mine.
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    680

    Ahhh, there are usually three rings involved....

    Ahhh, there are usually three rings involved.
    The engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the dreaded suffering.
  8. Thread: Vegans

    by Allan at Wallan
    Replies
    5
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    947

    Vegans

    A bloke recently said to me, "Men who sell meat are gross"
    I replied, "Men who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer".
  9. Replies
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    3,802

    Have hardly been on the Forum lately and just...

    Have hardly been on the Forum lately and just noticed this thread.
    Thank you for your best wishes.
    Alan
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    Kryn, Have faith in me mate (lol).

    Kryn, Have faith in me mate (lol).
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    551

    Faith healer meeting

    I went to a meeting with friends to a faith healer last night.
    He was so boring three blokes in wheelchairs got up and ran home.

    :doh:
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    Tangle with the law

    The local cop pulled me over the other night and bellowed at me, "Get out of the car, NOW".
    I replied, "I'm too drunk, would you mind getting in instead"?

    :D:;:D
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    578

    What a great result. Congratulations on your...

    What a great result.
    Congratulations on your determination and persistence … well done!
  14. Replies
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    13,119

    Not before time. Now get to it and contribute...

    Not before time.

    Now get to it and contribute again!
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    1,467

    Alligators

    I read the other day that alligators can grow
    up to 15 feet.

    The ones I have seen only have 4.
  16. Replies
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    1,478

    Good onya Kryn! I know it weighed 13.25kg as I...

    Good onya Kryn!

    I know it weighed 13.25kg as I checked the scales on it's back as I was reeling it in.
    :U

    Gotcha!
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    1,478

    I am disappointed ... no one has taken the bait...

    I am disappointed ... no one has taken the bait yet.
    :U
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    2,397

    Kilmore art expo 2019

    Time again for Northern Woodturners Club to join in the fun by having a sales table at
    the annual Kilmore Art Expo.

    It is being held Friday night, April 12th from 6pm then on Saturday 13th and...
  19. Replies
    9
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    1,478

    Giant snapper caught.

    Whilst out fishing in Port Phillip Bay recently I was using a relatively light kit
    which included 2kg strain line.
    I managed to catch a monster snapper which weighed 13.25 kgs but unfortunately...
  20. Replies
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    11,107

    What a magnificent result. Love the grain and it...

    What a magnificent result.
    Love the grain and it blends in nicely with the Cigar kit.
  21. Replies
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    1,943

    Welcome David, What part of Melbourne do you...

    Welcome David,

    What part of Melbourne do you reside in?
  22. Replies
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    2,025

    Congratulations Brad - magnificent result. I...

    Congratulations Brad - magnificent result.
    I have found Horistes Burl to be very hard on the chisels
    but obviously you have finished it perfectly.
  23. Replies
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    3,802

    We all need good knees.

    Twelve months ago I was wheeling my wheelbarrow backwards out of the woodshed and failed to notice my aluminium ladder in the way.
    I got tangled up with it where my left leg was scissored in it and...
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    1,988

    Sorry to hear of their passing. I did not know...

    Sorry to hear of their passing. I did not know Fred (aka Gary) but have met Rodney (Rodent) on a couple of occasions.
    We have lost five members of our club in recent times which is concerning but...
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    1,603

    Stay safe you chaps. What a crazy country we...

    Stay safe you chaps. What a crazy country we live in with floods, fires and dust storms to contend with.
    Hope you are out of harm's way.
  26. Replies
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    2,526

    Welcxome to the Forum Brent. You will find...

    Welcxome to the Forum Brent. You will find heaps of knowledgeable woodturners on here willing to give you info
    as you get into the hobby. It is many years since I visited Mortlake but would...
  27. Replies
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    41,019

    See what you started Kryn - you gave us a lead...

    See what you started Kryn - you gave us a lead for dog jokes.
  28. Replies
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    1,905

    Food costs.

    Just to let you know:
    A slice of apple pie in Jamaica is $2.00.
    However the same sized slice in the Bahamas is $2.50.
    These are the "Pie rates of the Caribbean".
    :B
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    A very warm welcome to you Mick - you live in a...

    A very warm welcome to you Mick - you live in a fabulous part of the world.
    I was most impressed when visiting there years ago with all the murals on display.
    Enjoy this Forum - they are a great...
  30. Replies
    44
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    18,505

    The better proposition would have been to join a...

    The better proposition would have been to join a local woodturning club where you would get sensible advice on the brand and quality of lathes,
    the proper choice of quality chisels and be taught to...
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    14,596

    This is all too confusing. If daylight saving...

    This is all too confusing.
    If daylight saving starts to affect our blinds then it's curtains for us.
  32. Replies
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    Thank your for your responses - I have followed...

    Thank your for your responses - I have followed them up without success, however I may be in luck at the Victorian Hobby Centre at 21 Swanston St
    in Melbourne. I did try to get there on Thursday...
  33. Replies
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    41,019

    I'll keep a watch out for you punsters.

    I'll keep a watch out for you punsters.
  34. Replies
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    1,655

    Brass square tubing

    Looking for a small length of brass square tubing
    8mm outer - 6mm inner.
    Did not think it would be hard to find but wearing my fingers out on
    the phone and using plenty of petrol driving around....
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    Might pay to examine your choice of chisel,...

    Might pay to examine your choice of chisel, method of presentation to the wood,
    as you might be too aggressive. Sharp chisels are a definite advantage.
  36. Replies
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    After much hassling I have Windows 10, Word &...

    After much hassling I have Windows 10, Word & Windows 2016 and my FujiXerox all working ok.
    Scanner does not want to cooperate but that is not the end of the world.
    Interestingly the computer shop...
  37. Replies
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    2,177

    Welcome aboard. I live in Wallan (about 35 mins...

    Welcome aboard.
    I live in Wallan (about 35 mins away).
    Lots to learn on this site - great group of people.
  38. Replies
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    Cop that

    A policeman knocked on my door last night and sternly asked me,
    "Where were you between 5 and 6"?

    Although he looked a little irritated I answered, "Probably at kindergarten".

    Gee those batons...
  39. Replies
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    Hi boo53, What part of Central Victoria are...

    Hi boo53,

    What part of Central Victoria are you located.

    Alan
  40. Replies
    34
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    3,060

    I will make a trunk call and find out.

    I will make a trunk call and find out.
  41. Replies
    11
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    2,374

    Hi all, Many thanks for taking the time to...

    Hi all,
    Many thanks for taking the time to respond. I finally "cracked a wobbly" and purchased a new computer.
    It has Windows 10 and is as fast as greased lightning. However it has given me...
  42. Replies
    3
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    1,266

    Great work Brad. The timber and the kit blend...

    Great work Brad.

    The timber and the kit blend in beautifully together.
  43. Replies
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    1,632

    George and the dragon

    A homeless guy is walking along a country lane, tired and hungry, when he sees a pub named "George and the Dragon".
    Although it is closed he knocks on the door. The innkeeper's wife stuck her head...
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    Exceptional work Hughie - well done.

    Exceptional work Hughie - well done.
  45. Replies
    11
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    2,374

    Geez Cliff, Was hoping you could give me some...

    Geez Cliff,
    Was hoping you could give me some better news than that.
    Looks like I will have to bite the bullet and shell out a few shillings.
    Thanks mate.
  46. Replies
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    2,374

    A few technical details which I just looked at...

    A few technical details which I just looked at which may help.
    Pentium (R) Dual core CPU
    E5200 @ 2.50 GHz
    2.50 GHz 2.99 GB of RAM
    Physical address extension

    Microsoft Windows XP
    Professional...
  47. Replies
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    2,374

    Probably about 8 years old at a guess Cliff.

    Probably about 8 years old at a guess Cliff.
  48. Replies
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    2,374

    Screen freezes up

    For the last couple of weeks my screen has been simply stopping in it's tracks and there does not appear to be any consistency to it. I can open half a dozen emails successfully then it will freeze...
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    Water based joke

    Wife comes home and tells husband the car is not working because
    it has water in the carby.

    Husband replies, "Rubbish, you probably do not even know where the carby is.
    I will go and check it...
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    A good sign

    I have been complaining for a while that my family do not respect me
    enough, so to try and change their behaviour I got a sign and placed
    it on the door.

    It stated, "I am the boss, so respect...
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