Thread: Must Drink Beer

MUST DRINK BEER a short story



The perfect job has been found. Keep your seats, all the positions have
been filled, and 143,000 citizens were killed in the rush.

The Dortmund Physiological Institute has on its wages list fifty
workers, who, in the cause of science, are engaged in drinking beer.
That is all they have to do. The scientists of the institution then
test, the subjects for fatigue, etcetera.

This must be very jolly for the scientists. We should imagine that the
first test would be to take a piece of the patient's, breath and cut it
into slices small enough to go into a test tube.

We have a friend who frequently goes home to be examined by a select
committee of one.

The first question put to the patient is, "OH, so you're home?"

To this the patient does not reply, thus showing a remarkable degree of
intelligence. We have gathered together a fair amount of data on the
subject, and perhaps it would be best to catalogue the reactions.

(1) Goes into bathroom and looks at self in mirror.

(2) Locks bathroom door and searches pockets.

(3) Looks at cold shower, shudders, washes face.

(4) Makes bed on couch. Sleeps. The morning symptoms are perhaps
best left out, being a bit too technical.

We shall merely remark that a new excuse is now on. You can go home and
say that you are a martyr to science.

Interested as we are in scientific investigation, we suggest that this
country should co-operate with the Dortmund Institute, thus advancing
science and giving employment, if possible, to millions.

Then we might have the spectacle of a gentleman wrenching himself from
the grasp of the police, and saying, "Exshuse me, conshtable! I am
attached to the shtaff of the Redfern Institute...HIC!"

The constable would then apologise and sneak off, blushing.